Outside of a couple of emergency counseling sessions in college, I’d previously tried finding a permanent therapist twice. The first time I attempted therapy was when I was 18. I had my first ‘real’ job with fancy, new insurance and I’d been depressed since I was 9 years old – so I assumed the natural course of action would be to go to therapy like other well-adjusted adults. Well, at the end of the first session she basically told me (more…)
Ever feel your stress increase around the holidays? Between sending holiday cards, purchasing gifts while ensuring no one was forgotten, preparing elaborate meals, being inundated with holiday music while shopping, and seeing lots of family we may or may not enjoy, it can be an extremely difficult time of year for anyone.
Now imagine your brain is already a shitshow year-round.
For some people, the holidays (more…)
If you’re unsure about what the recent #MeToo movement is, I’m happy to explain because it’s just that important. In the wake of sexual misconduct allegations against Harvey Weinstein, an American film producer and former film studio executive, many celebrities – including Alyssa Milano, Reese Witherspoon, Lady Gaga, Patricia Arquette, and a couple dozen others – began tweeting with the #MeToo hashtag in support of those affected, or with their own experiences of sexual abuse. The hashtag immediately went viral by 10/15/17 and started an outpouring of personal stories.
So here’s mine.
I already opened up and told you about how I was molested in seventh grade, but I have two other experiences that I haven’t shared with you until now.
When I was 18, I (more…)
It’s half past midnight, and here I sit alone.
But I’m not alone; he’s sleeping right next to me, though he might as well be miles away.
It’s gotten so bad that I nearly can’t function.
Every day is a battle with myself, a battle I am sorely losing.
I can’t work; I can’t play; I can’t even (more…)
Ok. I’m about to get extremely open and honest with you.
I’ve gone back and forth between being public about this and not, and after the last few minutes I’ve decided it’s time I talk for my own mental health. (more…)
Music has always been an extremely significant part of my life. From singing, to playing piano, to being a DJ, to having music playing almost constantly; it has always served an important purpose for me. It has gotten me through my worst times, and even my best times. If music didn’t exist, I’m positive the silence would kill me.
High school was a particularly difficult time for me. Between school itself, a strained relationship with my mother, and having already had a depressive childhood, I saw some of my darkest days in high school.
About a year ago, I sat in bed and cried into my bong while I sang Adele, and asked myself what the hell is wrong with me. If that sounds pathetic, it’s because it was. I was in an extremely bad place; so much so that if I didn’t find my way out of it, it was going to start affecting my life, marriage, and overall health. I decided then that there would be no more unexplained crying into my bong allowed, and that it’s time I get serious about attempting therapy. I understand most of what’s wrong with me, I just need some pointers on coping with it.
I tend to watch comedies because there’s already a substantial amount of drama and action in my life and I desperately need the comedy to round it out. My husband likes history too, so we’ve been watching this ridiculous comedy on Hulu called Quickdraw. Despite paying actual currency for a Hulu Plus membership, you’re still subjected to watching a slew of ads – usually 3 at a time. I typically spend that time wondering what the heck I’m really paying for anyway.
Yesterday I was tricked/coerced into doing something I wasn’t comfortable with, verbally attacked in my own house, and ended up crying in a ball on my closet floor in the dark.
If this sounds like a really fucking bad day, I assure you it was.
I suppose when you find yourself frequently envisioning what you’d talk about at your first therapy appointment, it’s probably time to look for a therapist. I went to an ’emergency’ appointment when I hit rock bottom a couple times in college, but I was never ‘treated’ for more than three or four sessions each time. I was put on anti-depressants the first time and went off of them almost as soon as I went on them because they either stole my sex drive, or stole my orgasms – neither of which improve depression.