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My Squirting Tell-All Guest Post on SwingTowns’ Blog

SwingTowns is a large dating network for polyamorous, swinger, and fetish lifestyles, and they recently approached me to write for them about my experiences with squirting. Ever since I figured out how to do it, I’ve been an advocate for others to learn and experience it themselves. I realized that you don’t have to be a porn star, or any other star, to squirt. (more…)

True Story Series: Squirting Adventure on the Beach

Cocktails on the beach create the perfect prelude to a little Afternoon Delight. With the scorching sun beaming down on me, I’m sticky with sweat and in the heat the alcohol seems to be hitting a little harder than it normally would. Never without a way to medicate, I freely vape without fear of consequence on our semi-private beach as I watch the waves roll in and out.

As the hours pass, we sip our frozen daiquiris and take shots in between wading in the water and napping in lounge chairs under an umbrella. The longer we’re out, the more intense the tingling between my legs becomes, like the increasing rumble of a train before it passes by. I vocalize a plan about fucking when we get back to the beach house before we go out to dinner, and he tells me that had always been his plan. Just hearing him say he’s already thinking about screwing me sends another ripple through me. I start thinking about what I’m going to do to him and (more…)

A Message to Pulse Nightclub Victims & Families With Pink Floyd’s ‘Pulse’

On the first anniversary of the biggest tragedy ever to strike the LGBTQ community in the United States, it’s important to take a moment to remember those who are affected.

Pulse Nightclub was a gay club in Orlando owned by Barbara Poma and Ron Legler and was opened in 2004. In 1991, Barbara’s brother John died from AIDS and they named the club Pulse so that he can live on. However, on June 12, 2016, any semblance of a pulse was shattered when a single shooter shot and killed 49 patrons, and wounded 53 others.

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It was considered an act of terror/hate because of (more…)

Industry Expert Guest Blog: Nurse Mary J with 5 Steps to Cannabis Advocacy

When I first joined Twitter in the dildo capacity about a year and a half ago, I found a handful of awesome, welcoming, and genuine people right away. One of those people is the beautiful lady behind Nurse Mary J Tattoo Aftercare – Colleen Kibler.

She’s an educator, blogger, businesswoman, cannabis advocate, and total badass to name a few. She’s modest and kind, and is the type of person who takes the time to tell you she appreciates you. She’s the first person who popped into my mind when I wanted to bring you a guest blog, and I’m thrilled that she not only accepted but also wrote a fantastic blog post with little to no guidance.

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The United States cannabis industry needs our help now more than ever because (more…)

My First Three-Way: A Gay Man, a Stranger, and Multiple Orgasms

Most of us have fantasized about having a three-way at some point whether or not we want to admit it. There are all sorts of different gender combinations, but my first three-way was with two males. That’s many a girl’s ultimate fantasy, but mine was a little bit different – one of the men is gay and the other is straight.

I can’t quite remember how the idea surfaced or whose it was, but when I was 19 or 20 my gay friend Brandon and I decided we wanted to experiment with a three-way. None of our friends knew each other, so we had to find someone that only one of us knew. I struggled to think of someone it wouldn’t be awkward with, but he thought of a friend he figured would be interested. I have no idea how he possibly propositioned him, but it worked. I was immediately nervous, and all I was able to picture was 3 meerkats humping – but I was also extremely excited.

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My friend was house-sitting for his parents in their beautiful alpine cabin one weekend and we decided it was a perfect opportunity. While getting ready for the evening I scrubbed and shaved nearly everything I have; then (more…)

Pot Pocket Giveaway | 6 Prizes!

Pot Pocket Giveaway is Open

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This giveaway is a neat little invention that I stumbled across on Twitter and at the New England Cannabis Network (NECANN) convention in Boston – the Pot Pocket

We’ve all had that Cheech and Chong moment where we’ve gone to look for that joint we may or may not have forgotten about in our pocket, and it comes out looking like a used straw wrapper that Bigfoot sat on.

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So worry no more, Pot Pocket and I are going to take care of you. We’re giving away 2 Pot Pocket Grand Prizes, and 4 Pot Pocket stickers to the runner-ups.

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What’s Your Depression Story? | Your Story, Photo, Poem, Video Published

I’ve shared my depression stories with you here and there over the last year, and many of you have bravely come forward in response and commented or emailed me parts of your story as well. When we share our experiences with each other, it’s very therapeutic because it doesn’t fall on deaf ears. Depression makes us feel alone in a crowded room, so knowing that there are others who have seen the same lows that we have is extremely powerful. Seeing someone describe the same feelings you’ve experienced allows you to breathe for a minute and think, “OK – so I’m not that crazy.

So I’m opening up a forum for us to talk about depression.  There are over 350,000,000 people affected by depression globally, and half of Americans with depression are seeking absolutely no treatment.  People with depression are shunned, overlooked, and condemned to being called “lazy,” so talking about actual experiences seems uncommon.

It’s time we change that.

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What is Kinkly, Who Are These ‘Sex Blogging Superheroes,’ and Why Do I Care?

Blogging didn’t even exist yet when I was born in ’85, and shoddy dial-up Internet didn’t reach US homes until the 90’s. Growing up as an 80’s/90’s kid, you relied solely on books for information. If you wanted to learn or understand anything, yes, you had to go to this place called a ‘Library’ and scour through books (with no Ctrl-F) endlessly until you found what you were looking for. As you can imagine or have experienced, this is very time-consuming, and mostly unhelpful.

This practice was fine for book reports and learning about the Civil War, but as a developing adolescent there were only so many books for me about ‘What is this vagina thing?,’ ‘Oh-I own something called a G-spot?,’ and later in life, ‘My partners don’t make me orgasm so there’s probably something wrong with me, right?’ I remember sitting in the corner of a Barnes and Noble a few times growing up reading titles such as “Where Did I Come From?” and “What’s Happening to My Body?,” taking care to have a Highlights magazine keep the book hidden.

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I Was Molested by a Classmate | How I Moved On and What I Learned

I got picked on a lot in my formative years for one thing or another, simply because children are ruthless. I was a good kid, I didn’t hurt anyone, and my heart was and still is enormous. But kids don’t see that, they see whatever they imagine. So I made friends in different cliques and tried to stay under the radar. In seventh grade boys weren’t terribly interested in girls yet – and only the popular ones if they were – so I had very platonic interactions with them, if that.

One in particular seemed to enjoy harassing me, especially if he was in front of other people. He really was just that piece of shit, asshole kid who isn’t popular but acts like a dick to be noticed. He never had anything nice to say to me, so I pretty much avoided him.

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Ophelia’s First Anniversary Bash – Giveaways, Reviews, Activities, and Stray Llamas

Thoughts With a Dildo in Hand has existed in my mind for a couple of years now, and I finally released it to the world just over one year ago. For my first anniversary, I’m throwing a month-long virtual bash in your honor. After all – I’d just be talking to myself if I didn’t have my faithful readers.

So, thank you.

To celebrate, I’ll be reviewing some awesome products and giving away a bunch more. I’ll be sharing personal stories of other ‘firsts’ I’ve had, and have other fun things to do too. There will also be llamas.

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The Top 10 Myths About the Magic Wand Original and Rechargeable

 

The Magic Wand is nothing new to the sex toy world, and it has formed itself a great reputation as one of the BEST sex toys out there – but not all of the chatter is very ‘becumming.’ I believe that both the Magic Wand Original and Rechargeable are quality, sophisticated, and necessary products that don’t deserve unfounded rumors. Based on many questions my readers have privately asked me about the Wand and opinions I’ve seen oot and aboot on the Internet, I decided that there was just too much speculation and very little fact. So I’ve stepped into the (cock) ring and am prepared to battle the Top Ten Myths about the Magic Wand.

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YouTube Music’s New Silent Ad Speaks Volumes for the Transgender and Crossdressing Community

I tend to watch comedies because there’s already a substantial amount of drama and action in my life and I desperately need the comedy to round it out. My husband likes history too, so we’ve been watching this ridiculous comedy on Hulu called Quickdraw. Despite paying actual currency for a Hulu Plus membership, you’re still subjected to watching a slew of ads – usually 3 at a time. I typically spend that time wondering what the heck I’m really paying for anyway.

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Being Judged for My Medicine | Why You Should Be Yourself

As I mentioned, I was recently put in an unfair and uncomfortable position by members of my family, but I tried to put a smile on and pretend anyway.

It led to the biggest blowout in our family history, and me having an anxiety attack in the dark on our closet floor.

I felt ambushed, judged, and disrespected in my own home. Like I said, my husband stood up for me which was amazing, but it also put him in a position of standing up to MY FAMILY. Of course, this caused additional issues between them. The result was the gang of family leaving and going to dinner while my husband pieced me back together.

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Please Don’t Shoot Yourself in Front of Me | My Suicide Story

I’m the youngest of two children in my family, and that has been both fortunate and unfortunate at times. Our parents were much harder on my sister since she was their first crack at it together, but I’ve found it difficult to earn respect being the youngest. Anyway, I guess I was what you’d call an ‘intentional accident.’ I took so damn long to conceive that after almost a decade of trying, my parents gave up. Then I happened. So there’s quite an age difference between my sister and I, and she’s often been like a mother figure to me.

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I Hooked Up with the Comcast Guy | ‘The Future of Awesome’

Apparently I’m the kind of person who lives ‘on the edge.’ My mother has always been very shy and would rather die than be the last person to walk late into a room full of people, so she’s never understood my ‘bravery.’ And I say ‘brave’ in quotes because it can often be interchanged for ‘stupid,’ ‘risky,’ or ‘harebrained.’

I keep having more and more epiphanies in the past couple years due to the incredible mind-expansion that weed is known for, and one of the epiphanies has been realizing what it is that leads me to taking more chances than the standard human being. I think when you have depression, you don’t always value your life as highly as others may value theirs. This seems to have manifested itself over the years in a way that makes me incredibly comfortable taking chances by trying new and terrifying things, meeting up with strangers from the Internet, or traveling to faraway destinations alone. Depression gives you that mindset where you don’t always look twice to see if a bus is coming before crossing the street, so I’ve always sort of lived this way. Or I’ve simply just been bestowed with the reckless bug. Either way, I now have an endless supply of awesome stories about the crazy shit that I’ve encountered. One of my favorite stories takes place in my parents’ house with the Comcast Guy.

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How I Taught Myself to Squirt Like a Porn Star with Sheets of San Francisco and the Njoy Pure Wand

We’ve all at some point seen the porn where the chick shoots liquid from her crotch 20 feet across the room and thought to ourselves, ‘There’s no way that’s real, she has to be peeing.’ But despite my numerous attempts at replaying the videos right at ‘the moment’ to see what it looks like, where it came from and how, I’ve always been a bit skeptical while remaining sincerely curious and intrigued.

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It took my entire life thus far to be able to nail down the difference between a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm, and when I finally did a few months ago I decided that learning to ‘squirt’ was going to be my next mission. There was only one problem; if I happened to actually be successful, where did I plan on doing this without making a total mess?

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Joining the Mile ‘High’ Club | Cumming in for a Landing – True Story

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We’ve all heard of the ‘Mile High Club,’ but ironically I’d somehow never ‘joined’ – so I decided to rectify that situation on a recent flight down south. I was alone, but the rules seem to indicate that there is such a thing as the ‘Solo Aviator Division.’ A last minute aircraft switch caused us all to get reassigned seats, which actually afforded me somewhat of an upgrade from my initial seat. Our original plane had two seats on either side of the aisle which makes for a rather intimate flight, but the equipment change to a larger plane had us all spread out with room to spare. I found myself in the window seat of row 8 with a handsome man in a business suit to my right with an empty seat between us.

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How I Met a National Lampoon Screenwriter | Half-Loaded Review

As many of you know, I’m relatively new to WordPress and Twitter as I only started this blog in August, but I think I settled in pretty quickly. Those of you who are fellow bloggers remember ‘breaking into the scene’ and trying to read 1,000 different blogs hoping that maybe 6 of them reciprocate and check you out too.

I don’t quite remember how I met Don Holley, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget him. We met via Twitter somehow, and I started noticing that he tweeted me relatively often – and that he was kinda funny on occasion. You could say he was my first “Twitter friend.” At some point I realized that he’s actually the screenwriter of the movie National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1 starring Samuel L. Jackson, Jon Lovitz, and Emilio Estevez, which I thought was pretty neat. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never seen the movie, though that’s largely due to the fact that I was 8 when it came out – but hey, I thought it was kinda cool knowing someone who’s been in ‘the movies.’

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I’ve Just Had the Best Two Orgasms of My Entire Life.

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As a woman, I must say that while we hear a lot about “clitoral orgasms” and “G-spot orgasms,” it isn’t always clear which one is which while it’s actually happening. Though there is no proven scientific evidence yet that it truly exists, the G-spot was named after German gynecologist Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, and it is the supposed area that contributes to deep orgasms, and even possibly female ejaculation. I haven’t exactly spent any concentrated time performing the scientific method on myself either, but I’ve always known that I prefer “the dick kind” of orgasm as opposed to what I can do with a vibrator on my clit. By way of deduction, I surmised that “the dick kind” probably is the infamous “G-spot orgasm” that everyone talks about, I just didn’t have it nailed down yet.

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Diagram of The Fabled G-Spot

We received a new toy recently as a gift that I’ve been meaning to give a go, so I decided Monday was as good a day as any. So I reached under the bed for the box, opened it, and removed the contents. The Njoy Pure Wand is a stainless steel, double-ended dildo, and it comes in a stunning, durable storage box with a satin lining. Even being about 65°F in the bedroom, the dildo was still pretty frigid and cool to the touch. This may sound terrible to some, but I love using cold elements like frozen popsicles and ice during sex, so I couldn’t wait to see how it would feel.

I got comfortable in bed, opened up my laptop, logged into my account on my favorite porn site, and began searching for something good to watch. I really love working myself up and taking my time, so I smoked while I watched a few videos, listened to some chill EDM, and slowly stroked my inner thighs. I moved my fingers from my inner thighs to the outer lips of my pussy, teasing myself while I watched a blonde on her knees sucking 5 cocks in a circle around her. I’m not usually interested in watching blow jobs themselves, but I really love penises, and she got to play with five – it was hot.

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I guess she likes popsicles, too…

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I Just Shooed My Cat Away With a Vibrator; Also, a “Thank You”

Our cat weighed 14 pounds about 6 months ago, was subsequently put on a strict diet, and now weighs 15 pounds. Great. Despite the diet, he somehow managed to gain weight – plus he’s still always hungry as an added bonus. If you’ve ever owned a cat and don’t leave a bowl of food out at all times, you know they aren’t shy about asking to be fed.

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So our cat tends to be a bit of a jerk when he’s hungry (which is every 3 hours), and has developed particular habits to notify us. One of these lovely habits is chewing the ass out of our phone charging cords.

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Some of his latest work….

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Industry Spotlight: Vaped.com

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Hey guys! I’m pretty stoked to tell you about a vaporizer company I just teamed up with called Vaped. I’ve been speaking with the owner and he’s a super polite and chill guy. He’s owned Vaped since May of this year. He resides here in the US, but the company serves both Canada and the United States – tough job juggling two countries.

These guys seem really top-notch and that’s why I decided to partner up with them. They only carry top-quality, brand named vapes they have personally tested first-hand to ensure customer satisfaction. (Wonder if they’re accepting tester applications….) The customer always comes first with them and their products are warrantied for at least a year because they’re authentic. They offer discrete shipping, of course, and even offer a price match guarantee! Plus you get a free grinder with most purchases.

They sell portable vapes, and desktop vapes. Here are a couple well-known vapes they sell that I’ve heard good things about:

Magic Flight Launch Box

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DaVinci 

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My Premier Erotica Narrative: “Satellite” – The Wait is Over!

Today is the day that I release my first “published” erotica narrative, Satellite. A big thank you to those of you who subscribed to get your sneak peek. I hope it kept you wanting more, and here’s a little bedtime story for you:

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Satellite

“Our alarm went off at 4am when it was still dark out, well before a human should be expected to function. I did, but barely, and only after consuming two and a half cups of coffee in rapid succession. It was a chilly December morning, so it was the perfect temperature for an adventure. The coffee warmed me up, so I carried the remainder of my third cup with me in my travel mug for the ride.

We were headed out to Satellite Mountain outside of Denver for a date hike. We both enjoy the outdoors, and there’s nothing more romantic to start the day with than watching the sunrise together. It was a thirty minute drive from our house, and my husband Dane drove us there. When we were about ten minutes away from the mountain, I readjusted and sat up in the passenger seat and felt a tug on the back of my thighs.

That’s when I remembered the fishnet thigh highs and garter belt I had snuck on under my hiking pants when Dane wasn’t looking. I love the way I feel in lingerie, and it’s a date, right? Just the pull of the garters against my thighs turned me on, but we were about to reach the trailhead and I knew he was excited to get started. So I ignored the twinge of excitement between my legs and we eventually started our hike.

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A “Clean Screen” is Like “New Vibrator Battery Day.”

Every person who has ever owned a vibrator (before the fancy-pants rechargeable kind), knows the struggle of batteries slowly dying over time. This can take weeks depending on your frequency of use, so the worst part is that the change is so undetectable that you barely notice it happening until one day, you “could swear this thing used to feel better.” Hopefully you’re fortunate enough to not only have new batteries somewhere, but to have the proper size for your device. If you do, there is nothing compared to the first time you switch that bugger on and remember what you’ve been missing.

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Recently, I’ve discovered that the “clean screen” event is similar to “New Vibrator Battery Day.” For my non-stoner friends, a screen is what you would use in your pipe or bong to hold and filter the weed so you don’t inhale it, among other uses.

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I Was Interviewed About Sex, Depression, and Cannabis by Goodleaf.com

This odyssey of mine began 20 days ago when I decided I’m finally going to start that damn blog I’d been thinking about writing for a year. I’d even had some ideas tucked away in a Google Keep note in my phone just begging to be published, but I kept putting it off because (more…)

Flashback to the Future

I grew up a really happy and loving kid, and I always knew I wanted to help people when I grew up. I loved meeting people and I was always trying to make new friends when I traveled with my parents. Unfortunately, my innocence didn’t last long once I was exposed to public school. Kids are just downright inhumane to each other, and I slowly became a loner over the years.

When I was in fourth grade, I had a teacher who was actually quite mean to me. As if that wasn’t hard enough, my grandfather died suddenly on Valentine’s Day, and my best friend died two months later after he’d been suffering for months. My only sister also went away to college shortly after that, and that’s when my depression was conceived. A classmate molested me in seventh grade which only screwed me up for a short period of time, luckily I don’t think there have been any long-term consequences that I’ve had to deal with because of it.

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Well, hello there.

I’m by no means a virgin, but I have to say that this is my maiden voyage in writing for anyone but an English professor, or to my university appeals committee as to why I screwed up and deserve another chance. However, I feel that I have an interesting story to tell, and I’ve been told that I have a certain “knack” for writing – so what the hell?

Alcohol had always been my usual Band-Aid for life’s turbulence, and I was always responsible with drugs. Sure, I’d tried all of the basics through and after high school, but I knew better than to overdo it and get addicted to anything. Extacy still stands as my favorite drug given a choice, but I never did it more than a handful of times out of responsibility and preservation of my brain. Weed came around in my life now and again, but I never had an appreciation for it until I met my husband.

What I DID have an extreme appreciation for since, let’s say, approximately 12 years old (one of the first of many important milestones that my memory has seemed to erase from itself), is my vagina. My parents have never told me any embarrassing stories about discovering my vagina as a child, so my first recollection of exploring it was as a pre-teen sitting on the toilet at home and realizing that something felt good when I touched it – very good. (Romantic, right?)

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