What’s a #GrandRebrand without free stuff?Continue reading “New Website, New Giveaway – Have You Entered Yet?”
In case you haven’t heard, Thoughts With a Dildo in Hand has retired, and Ophelia’s is the new face in the fight against stigmas associated with depression, sex, and cannabis. After 4 months of tiresome work, my new website has finally been published!Continue reading “My #GrandRebrand is On, Come Visit the New Website!”
I wish that my absence over the past two months was an indication of only good things, but I regret that it was not.Continue reading “Metamorphosis”
I’m dumping this POSContinue reading “Wanted: Your Opinion in My Focus Group for an Amazon Gift Card”
I was just notified by Lovehoney that they’re having a ridiculous Flash Offer! They’re giving away a free Tokidoki Unicorn Multi-speed Multi-color Massage Wand Vibrator (a $119.99 value) to everyone who spends $50 or more. The offer is available ONLY byContinue reading “Lovehoney Flash Offer – Free $119.99 Wand Vibrator With Link”
The holidays are finally over, and believe it or not, it’s almost February. It’s beginning to feel like winter will never end but there’s always another thing to celebrate just around the corner.
Some people don’t believe in Valentine’s Day, but I feel it’s one of those holidays that everyone can get into somehow. If you have a partner, it’s always fun to spoil him/her/them. If you don’t have one or feel the whole thing is stupid, I think it’s a fine excuse to get together with friends, celebrate in your own personal style, and buy yourself a new gadget.
We’ve already spent most of our money on others over the past couple of months, so now is the time to reap the benefits of a bargain. I’ve checked out what my affiliates have going on for sales, and curated them all in one place for you. Below you’ll find exclusive discount codes, tips on random ways to save money, student discounts, shipping deadlines, clearance items, etc. And don’t forget thatContinue reading “Valentine’s Day Discount Codes, Clearance, Shipping Deadlines + Free Gifts”
There are a ton of great companies out there, but there are also a lot of crap companies who scam people or just sort of suck. When I choose to buy from or work with a new company, the biggest things I look out for are: quality of products, safety of products, reviews, customer service, ease of shopping, and company reputation.
I’ve written several reviews for a variety of great companies, and I’ve even joined up with a few of them as an affiliate. This puts me in somewhat of a ‘spokesperson’ capacity for these brands, so I always make sure that I vet what I put my name on. Some of my current affiliations include: Lovehoney, Amazon, Good Vibrations Toys, Smokazon, The Nooky Box, and more. (And if you clear your cookies and use these links when you make purchases, your contribution goes directly toward the making of this website – thank you!)
It is now my pleasure to announce my latest affiliation:Continue reading “New Affiliate Announcement”
Every day I see or hear at least one person mentioning how 2017 has been extremely tough. Things have been pretty bananas this year, so I can’t say that I blame them. Well, here’s some good news – I made this roundup of my best posts of 2017 according to readers, just for you. The list has been compiled in case you missed something, or you feel like being nostalgic. Enjoy, andContinue reading “Ophelia’s Best of 2017”
In order to create change, like-minded people must band together. You wouldn’t be here unless something about me resonates with you, so we’ve already found some common ground. I’ve been chugging along on my own since the beginning of this blog, but I’ve decided to open it up to my community.
By becoming a Darling, not only will you snag some sweet exclusive rewards, you’ll also be contributing to something much larger – a safe place where everyone can speak freely and anonymously about incredibly personal topics without judgment or repercussions. Mental health, intimacy, and marijuana are often considered to be taboo topics, and it’s difficult to find websites with an honest discussion about them individually. So how rare is a blog that celebrates the blissful union of the three? They are so intertwined that it’s about time someone stands up and dares to speak about the unspeakable. I am that person.
When you’re a Darling, you become a…Read More
Outside of a couple of emergency counseling sessions in college, I’d previously tried finding a permanent therapist twice. The first time I attempted therapy was when I was 18. I had my first ‘real’ job with fancy, new insurance and I’d been depressed since I was 9 years old – so I assumed the natural course of action would be to go to therapy like other well-adjusted adults. Well, at the end of the first session she basically told meContinue reading “I’ve Begun Therapy Again – Third Time’s the Charm?”
Ever feel your stress increase around the holidays? Between sending holiday cards, purchasing gifts while ensuring no one was forgotten, preparing elaborate meals, being inundated with holiday music while shopping, and seeing lots of family we may or may not enjoy, it can be an extremely difficult time of year for anyone.
For some people, the holidays Continue reading “Surviving the Holidays with a Mental Illness Using Illustrations”
TODAY ONLY:
Sitewide Sale: 20% OFF, no minimums, minimal exclusions
Excludes Fun Factory and Dame
Fun Factory Gift With Purchase: $89 Fun Factory order, free toy bag,
$129 Fun Factory order, free toy bag and toy cleanerContinue reading “Current Cyber Monday Codes & Deals – Many End Tonight!”
11/23 – 11/27
Sitewide Sale: 20% OFF, no minimums, minimal exclusions
Excludes Fun Factory and Dame
Fun Factory Gift With Purchase: $89 Fun Factory order, free toy bag,
$129 Fun Factory order, free toy bag and toy cleanerContinue reading “It’s After Midnight – Here Are Today’s Black Friday Sales & Discount Codes”
There are a ton of great companies out there, but there are also a lot of crap companies who scam people or just sort of suck. When I choose to buy from or work with a new company, the biggest things I look out for are: quality of products, safety of products, reviews, customer service, ease of shopping, and company reputation.
I’ve written several reviews for a variety of great companies, and I’ve even partnered up with a few of them as an affiliate. This puts me in somewhat of a ‘spokesperson’ capacity for these brands, so I always make sure that I vet what I put my name on. Some of my current partnerships include: Amazon, Good Vibrations Toys, Smokazon, The Nooky Box, and more.
It is now my pleasure to announce my latest affiliation:Continue reading “New Affiliate Announcement”
Whether we like it or not, that season is upon us here in the U.S. We’ve traded in our bathing suits for hoodies, there’s a chill in the air, and we’re still trying to justify why we didn’t complete our 2017 New Year’s resolution. Some people LOVE the holidays, and some people hate them. But what do we all love?
Just the sight of the delivery truck is enough to make many of us squeal a little inside, and lots of folks feel that same euphoria from giving gifts to others. But no matter if you’re making purchases for yourself or the next coolest person you know, we all want to save money if we can – and Black Friday is one of the best opportunities to do that.
So, to make your life easier, I decided toContinue reading “All of My Black Friday Affiliate Codes and Deals in One Place”
If you’re unsure about what the recent #MeToo movement is, I’m happy to explain because it’s just that important. In the wake of sexual misconduct allegations against Harvey Weinstein, an American film producer and former film studio executive, many celebrities – including Alyssa Milano, Reese Witherspoon, Lady Gaga, Patricia Arquette, and a couple dozen others – began tweeting with the #MeToo hashtag in support of those affected, or with their own experiences of sexual abuse. The hashtag immediately went viral by 10/15/17 and started an outpouring of personal stories.
I already opened up and told you about how I was molested in seventh grade, but I have two other experiences that I haven’t shared with you until now.
When I was 18, IContinue reading “It Happened to #MeToo. Twice.”
Since 2013, the good folks over at Kinkly have scoured through the best of the best sex blogs in all of the Interwebs to come up withContinue reading “If You Like My Blog, There’s Something You Can Do..”
If you’ve never heard of Community Supported Agriculture (CSA), it’s when community members purchase a “share” at local farms in which they pay upfront and receive farm goods periodically over the growing season. It’s a wonderful concept that takes some financial burden off of smaller farmers, while providing fresh produce and other surprises for the community.
This is the second year that we’ve participated in a CSA becauseContinue reading “Here’s How Fucked Up My Heart Is”
Ok. I’m about to get extremely open and honest with you.
I’ve gone back and forth between being public about this and not, and after the last few minutes I’ve decided it’s time I talk for my own mental health. Continue reading “First I Cried on the Pants, Then I Cried on the Dresses | My Depression Secret”
Ever feel like you can almost touch it?
Sometimes it’s triggered by something, sometimes it’s triggered by nothing. For me, I know there will always be a trigger. My brain ensures it always has its finger pressed softly against it, ready to trip it at a moment’s notice. I am at its mercy.Continue reading “I’m Going to Tell You a Secret About Me”
SwingTowns is a large dating network for polyamorous, swinger, and fetish lifestyles, and they recently approached me to write for them about my experiences with squirting. Ever since I figured out how to do it, I’ve been an advocate for others to learn and experience it themselves. I realized that you don’t have to be a porn star, or any other star, to squirt.Continue reading “My Squirting Tell-All Guest Post on SwingTowns’ Blog”
Cocktails on the beach create the perfect prelude to a little Afternoon Delight. With the scorching sun beaming down on me, I’m sticky with sweat and in the heat the alcohol seems to be hitting a little harder than it normally would. Never without a way to medicate, I freely vape without fear of consequence on our semi-private beach as I watch the waves roll in and out.
As the hours pass, we sip our frozen daiquiris and take shots in between wading in the water and napping in lounge chairs under an umbrella. The longer we’re out, the more intense the tingling between my legs becomes, like the increasing rumble of a train before it passes by. I vocalize a plan about fucking when we get back to the beach house before we go out to dinner, and he tells me that had always been his plan. Just hearing him say he’s already thinking about screwing me sends another ripple through me. I start thinking about what I’m going to do to him andContinue reading “True Story Series: Squirting Adventure on the Beach”
On the first anniversary of the biggest tragedy ever to strike the LGBTQ community in the United States, it’s important to take a moment to remember those who are affected.
Pulse Nightclub was a gay club in Orlando owned by Barbara Poma and Ron Legler and was opened in 2004. In 1991, Barbara’s brother John died from AIDS and they named the club Pulse so that he can live on. However, on June 12, 2016, any semblance of a pulse was shattered when a single shooter shot and killed 49 patrons, and wounded 53 others.
It was considered an act of terror/hate because of Continue reading “A Message to Pulse Nightclub Victims & Families With Pink Floyd’s ‘Pulse’”
When I first joined Twitter in the dildo capacity about a year and a half ago, I found a handful of awesome, welcoming, and genuine people right away. One of those people is the beautiful lady behind Nurse Mary J Tattoo Aftercare – Colleen Kibler.
She’s an educator, blogger, businesswoman, cannabis advocate, and total badass to name a few. She’s modest and kind, and is the type of person who takes the time to tell you she appreciates you. She’s the first person who popped into my mind when I wanted to bring you a guest blog, and I’m thrilled that she not only accepted but also wrote a fantastic blog post with little to no guidance.
The United States cannabis industry needs our help now more than ever because Continue reading “Industry Expert Guest Blog: Nurse Mary J with 5 Steps to Cannabis Advocacy”
Most of us have fantasized about having a three-way at some point whether or not we want to admit it. There are all sorts of different gender combinations, but my first three-way was with two males. That’s many a girl’s ultimate fantasy, but mine was a little bit different – one of the men is gay and the other is straight.
I can’t quite remember how the idea surfaced or whose it was, but when I was 19 or 20 my gay friend Brandon and I decided we wanted to experiment with a three-way. None of our friends knew each other, so we had to find someone that only one of us knew. I struggled to think of someone it wouldn’t be awkward with, but he thought of a friend he figured would be interested. I have no idea how he possibly propositioned him, but it worked. I was immediately nervous, and all I was able to picture was 3 meerkats humping – but I was also extremely excited.
My friend was house-sitting for his parents in their beautiful alpine cabin one weekend and we decided it was a perfect opportunity. While getting ready for the evening I scrubbed and shaved nearly everything I have; thenContinue reading “My First Three-Way: A Gay Man, a Stranger, and Multiple Orgasms”
Chameleon Glass and I are back with another giveaway! I can’t harp on about them enough, so I figure that the best way to show you how great they are is to just get a product in your hands.Continue reading “Anniversary Bash 420 Giveaway #2 – the Typhoon Steamroller Pipe by Chameleon Glass”
This giveaway is a neat little invention that I stumbled across on Twitter and at the New England Cannabis Network (NECANN) convention in Boston – the Pot Pocket.
We’ve all had that Cheech and Chong moment where we’ve gone to look for that joint we may or may not have forgotten about in our pocket, and it comes out looking like a used straw wrapper that Bigfoot sat on.
So worry no more, Pot Pocket and I are going to take care of you. We’re giving away 2 Pot Pocket Grand Prizes, and 4 Pot Pocket stickers to the runner-ups.
Continue reading “Pot Pocket Giveaway | 6 Prizes!”
I’ve shared my depression stories with you here and there over the last year, and many of you have bravely come forward in response and commented or emailed me parts of your story as well. When we share our experiences with each other, it’s very therapeutic because it doesn’t fall on deaf ears. Depression makes us feel alone in a crowded room, so knowing that there are others who have seen the same lows that we have is extremely powerful. Seeing someone describe the same feelings you’ve experienced allows you to breathe for a minute and think, “OK – so I’m not that crazy.
So I’m opening up a forum for us to talk about depression. There are over 350,000,000 people affected by depression globally, and half of Americans with depression are seeking absolutely no treatment. People with depression are shunned, overlooked, and condemned to being called “lazy,” so talking about actual experiences seems uncommon.
It’s time we change that.
Continue reading “What’s Your Depression Story? | Your Story, Photo, Poem, Video Published”
Blogging didn’t even exist yet when I was born in ’85, and shoddy dial-up Internet didn’t reach US homes until the 90’s. Growing up as an 80’s/90’s kid, you relied solely on books for information. If you wanted to learn or understand anything, yes, you had to go to this place called a ‘Library’ and scour through books (with no Ctrl-F) endlessly until you found what you were looking for. As you can imagine or have experienced, this is very time-consuming, and mostly unhelpful.
This practice was fine for book reports and learning about the Civil War, but as a developing adolescent there were only so many books for me about ‘What is this vagina thing?,’ ‘Oh-I own something called a G-spot?,’ and later in life, ‘My partners don’t make me orgasm so there’s probably something wrong with me, right?’ I remember sitting in the corner of a Barnes and Noble a few times growing up reading titles such as “Where Did I Come From?” and “What’s Happening to My Body?,” taking care to have a Highlights magazine keep the book hidden.
Continue reading “What is Kinkly, Who Are These ‘Sex Blogging Superheroes,’ and Why Do I Care?”
I got picked on a lot in my formative years for one thing or another, simply because children are ruthless. I was a good kid, I didn’t hurt anyone, and my heart was and still is enormous. But kids don’t see that, they see whatever they imagine. So I made friends in different cliques and tried to stay under the radar. In seventh grade boys weren’t terribly interested in girls yet – and only the popular ones if they were – so I had very platonic interactions with them, if that.
One in particular seemed to enjoy harassing me, especially if he was in front of other people. He really was just that piece of shit, asshole kid who isn’t popular but acts like a dick to be noticed. He never had anything nice to say to me, so I pretty much avoided him.
Continue reading “I Was Molested by a Classmate | How I Moved On and What I Learned”
Thoughts With a Dildo in Hand has existed in my mind for a couple of years now, and I finally released it to the world just over one year ago. For my first anniversary, I’m throwing a month-long virtual bash in your honor. After all – I’d just be talking to myself if I didn’t have my faithful readers.
To celebrate, I’ll be reviewing some awesome products and giving away a bunch more. I’ll be sharing personal stories of other ‘firsts’ I’ve had, and have other fun things to do too. There will also be llamas.
The Magic Wand is nothing new to the sex toy world, and it has formed itself a great reputation as one of the BEST sex toys out there – but not all of the chatter is very ‘becumming.’ I believe that both the Magic Wand Original and Rechargeable are quality, sophisticated, and necessary products that don’t deserve unfounded rumors. Based on many questions my readers have privately asked me about the Wand and opinions I’ve seen oot and aboot on the Internet, I decided that there was just too much speculation and very little fact. So I’ve stepped into the (cock) ring and am prepared to battle the Top Ten Myths about the Magic Wand.
Continue reading “The Top 10 Myths About the Magic Wand Original and Rechargeable”
I tend to watch comedies because there’s already a substantial amount of drama and action in my life and I desperately need the comedy to round it out. My husband likes history too, so we’ve been watching this ridiculous comedy on Hulu called Quickdraw. Despite paying actual currency for a Hulu Plus membership, you’re still subjected to watching a slew of ads – usually 3 at a time. I typically spend that time wondering what the heck I’m really paying for anyway.
As I mentioned, I was recently put in an unfair and uncomfortable position by members of my family, but I tried to put a smile on and pretend anyway.
It led to the biggest blowout in our family history, and me having an anxiety attack in the dark on our closet floor.
I felt ambushed, judged, and disrespected in my own home. Like I said, my husband stood up for me which was amazing, but it also put him in a position of standing up to MY FAMILY. Of course, this caused additional issues between them. The result was the gang of family leaving and going to dinner while my husband pieced me back together.
Continue reading “Being Judged for My Medicine | Why You Should Be Yourself”
I’m the youngest of two children in my family, and that has been both fortunate and unfortunate at times. Our parents were much harder on my sister since she was their first crack at it together, but I’ve found it difficult to earn respect being the youngest. Anyway, I guess I was what you’d call an ‘intentional accident.’ I took so damn long to conceive that after almost a decade of trying, my parents gave up. Then I happened. So there’s quite an age difference between my sister and I, and she’s often been like a mother figure to me.
Continue reading “Please Don’t Shoot Yourself in Front of Me | My Suicide Story”
Yesterday I was tricked/coerced into doing something I wasn’t comfortable with, verbally attacked in my own house, and ended up crying in a ball on my closet floor in the dark.
If this sounds like a really fucking bad day, I assure you it was.
Continue reading “Fighting My Depression Using Predictive Maintenance | How to Survive”
Apparently I’m the kind of person who lives ‘on the edge.’ My mother has always been very shy and would rather die than be the last person to walk late into a room full of people, so she’s never understood my ‘bravery.’ And I say ‘brave’ in quotes because it can often be interchanged for ‘stupid,’ ‘risky,’ or ‘harebrained.’
I keep having more and more epiphanies in the past couple years due to the incredible mind-expansion that weed is known for, and one of the epiphanies has been realizing what it is that leads me to taking more chances than the standard human being. I think when you have depression, you don’t always value your life as highly as others may value theirs. This seems to have manifested itself over the years in a way that makes me incredibly comfortable taking chances by trying new and terrifying things, meeting up with strangers from the Internet, or traveling to faraway destinations alone. Depression gives you that mindset where you don’t always look twice to see if a bus is coming before crossing the street, so I’ve always sort of lived this way. Or I’ve simply just been bestowed with the reckless bug. Either way, I now have an endless supply of awesome stories about the crazy shit that I’ve encountered. One of my favorite stories takes place in my parents’ house with the Comcast Guy.
Continue reading “I Hooked Up with the Comcast Guy | ‘The Future of Awesome’”
Please visit my new website to view this post!
Read all about how I taught myself to squirt like a porn star!
We’ve all at some point seen the porn where the chick shoots liquid from her crotch 20 feet across the room and thought to ourselves, ‘There’s no way that’s real, she has to be peeing.’ But despite my numerous attempts at replaying the videos right at ‘the moment’ to see what it looks like, where it came from and how, I’ve always been a bit skeptical while remaining sincerely curious and intrigued.
It took my entire life thus far to be able to nail down the difference between a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm, and when I finally did a few months ago I decided that learning to ‘squirt’ was going to be my next mission. There was only one problem; if I happened to actually be successful, where did I plan on doing this without making a total mess?
We’ve all heard of the ‘Mile High Club,’ but ironically I’d somehow never ‘joined’ – so I decided to rectify that situation on a recent flight down south. I was alone, but the rules seem to indicate that there is such a thing as the ‘Solo Aviator Division.’ A last minute aircraft switch caused us all to get reassigned seats, which actually afforded me somewhat of an upgrade from my initial seat. Our original plane had two seats on either side of the aisle which makes for a rather intimate flight, but the equipment change to a larger plane had us all spread out with room to spare. I found myself in the window seat of row 8 with a handsome man in a business suit to my right with an empty seat between us.
Continue reading “Joining the Mile ‘High’ Club | Cumming in for a Landing – True Story”
As many of you know, I’m relatively new to WordPress and Twitter as I only started this blog in August, but I think I settled in pretty quickly. Those of you who are fellow bloggers remember ‘breaking into the scene’ and trying to read 1,000 different blogs hoping that maybe 6 of them reciprocate and check you out too.
I don’t quite remember how I met Don Holley, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget him. We met via Twitter somehow, and I started noticing that he tweeted me relatively often – and that he was kinda funny on occasion. You could say he was my first “Twitter friend.” At some point I realized that he’s actually the screenwriter of the movie National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1 starring Samuel L. Jackson, Jon Lovitz, and Emilio Estevez, which I thought was pretty neat. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never seen the movie, though that’s largely due to the fact that I was 8 when it came out – but hey, I thought it was kinda cool knowing someone who’s been in ‘the movies.’
Continue reading “How I Met a National Lampoon Screenwriter | Half-Loaded Review”
As a woman, I must say that while we hear a lot about “clitoral orgasms” and “G-spot orgasms,” it isn’t always clear which one is which while it’s actually happening. Though there is no proven scientific evidence yet that it truly exists, the G-spot was named after German gynecologist Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, and it is the supposed area that contributes to deep orgasms, and even possibly female ejaculation. I haven’t exactly spent any concentrated time performing the scientific method on myself either, but I’ve always known that I prefer “the dick kind” of orgasm as opposed to what I can do with a vibrator on my clit. By way of deduction, I surmised that “the dick kind” probably is the infamous “G-spot orgasm” that everyone talks about, I just didn’t have it nailed down yet.
We received a new toy recently as a gift that I’ve been meaning to give a go, so I decided Monday was as good a day as any. So I reached under the bed for the box, opened it, and removed the contents. The Njoy Pure Wand is a stainless steel, double-ended dildo, and it comes in a stunning, durable storage box with a satin lining. Even being about 65°F in the bedroom, the dildo was still pretty frigid and cool to the touch. This may sound terrible to some, but I love using cold elements like frozen popsicles and ice during sex, so I couldn’t wait to see how it would feel.
I got comfortable in bed, opened up my laptop, logged into my account on my favorite porn site, and began searching for something good to watch. I really love working myself up and taking my time, so I smoked while I watched a few videos, listened to some chill EDM, and slowly stroked my inner thighs. I moved my fingers from my inner thighs to the outer lips of my pussy, teasing myself while I watched a blonde on her knees sucking 5 cocks in a circle around her. I’m not usually interested in watching blow jobs themselves, but I really love penises, and she got to play with five – it was hot.
Continue reading “I’ve Just Had the Best Two Orgasms of My Entire Life.”
Our cat weighed 14 pounds about 6 months ago, was subsequently put on a strict diet, and now weighs 15 pounds. Great. Despite the diet, he somehow managed to gain weight – plus he’s still always hungry as an added bonus. If you’ve ever owned a cat and don’t leave a bowl of food out at all times, you know they aren’t shy about asking to be fed.
So our cat tends to be a bit of a jerk when he’s hungry (which is every 3 hours), and has developed particular habits to notify us. One of these lovely habits is chewing the ass out of our phone charging cords.
Continue reading “I Just Shooed My Cat Away With a Vibrator; Also, a “Thank You””
I’ve been fiddling with some photography lately, figured I’d share my work with you.
Continue reading “So I Kind of Love Photography…..”
Hey guys! I’m pretty stoked to tell you about a vaporizer company I just teamed up with called Vaped. I’ve been speaking with the owner and he’s a super polite and chill guy. He’s owned Vaped since May of this year. He resides here in the US, but the company serves both Canada and the United States – tough job juggling two countries.
These guys seem really top-notch and that’s why I decided to partner up with them. They only carry top-quality, brand named vapes they have personally tested first-hand to ensure customer satisfaction. (Wonder if they’re accepting tester applications….) The customer always comes first with them and their products are warrantied for at least a year because they’re authentic. They offer discrete shipping, of course, and even offer a price match guarantee! Plus you get a free grinder with most purchases.
They sell portable vapes, and desktop vapes. Here are a couple well-known vapes they sell that I’ve heard good things about:
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Continue reading “Industry Spotlight: Vaped.com”
Today is the day that I release my first “published” erotica narrative, Satellite. A big thank you to those of you who subscribed to get your sneak peek. I hope it kept you wanting more, and here’s a little bedtime story for you:
Satellite
“Our alarm went off at 4am when it was still dark out, well before a human should be expected to function. I did, but barely, and only after consuming two and a half cups of coffee in rapid succession. It was a chilly December morning, so it was the perfect temperature for an adventure. The coffee warmed me up, so I carried the remainder of my third cup with me in my travel mug for the ride.
We were headed out to Satellite Mountain outside of Denver for a date hike. We both enjoy the outdoors, and there’s nothing more romantic to start the day with than watching the sunrise together. It was a thirty minute drive from our house, and my husband Dane drove us there. When we were about ten minutes away from the mountain, I readjusted and sat up in the passenger seat and felt a tug on the back of my thighs.
That’s when I remembered the fishnet thigh highs and garter belt I had snuck on under my hiking pants when Dane wasn’t looking. I love the way I feel in lingerie, and it’s a date, right? Just the pull of the garters against my thighs turned me on, but we were about to reach the trailhead and I knew he was excited to get started. So I ignored the twinge of excitement between my legs and we eventually started our hike.
Continue reading “My Premier Erotica Narrative: “Satellite” – The Wait is Over!”
Every person who has ever owned a vibrator (before the fancy-pants rechargeable kind), knows the struggle of batteries slowly dying over time. This can take weeks depending on your frequency of use, so the worst part is that the change is so undetectable that you barely notice it happening until one day, you “could swear this thing used to feel better.” Hopefully you’re fortunate enough to not only have new batteries somewhere, but to have the proper size for your device. If you do, there is nothing compared to the first time you switch that bugger on and remember what you’ve been missing.
Recently, I’ve discovered that the “clean screen” event is similar to “New Vibrator Battery Day.” For my non-stoner friends, a screen is what you would use in your pipe or bong to hold and filter the weed so you don’t inhale it, among other uses.
Continue reading “A “Clean Screen” is Like “New Vibrator Battery Day.””
This odyssey of mine began 20 days ago when I decided I’m finally going to start that damn blog I’d been thinking about writing for a year. I’d even had some ideas tucked away in a Google Keep note in my phone just begging to be published, but I kept putting it off becauseContinue reading “I Was Interviewed About Sex, Depression, and Cannabis by Goodleaf.com”
I grew up a really happy and loving kid, and I always knew I wanted to help people when I grew up. I loved meeting people and I was always trying to make new friends when I traveled with my parents. Unfortunately, my innocence didn’t last long once I was exposed to public school. Kids are just downright inhumane to each other, and I slowly became a loner over the years.
When I was in fourth grade, I had a teacher who was actually quite mean to me. As if that wasn’t hard enough, my grandfather died suddenly on Valentine’s Day, and my best friend died two months later after he’d been suffering for months. My only sister also went away to college shortly after that, and that’s when my depression was conceived. A classmate molested me in seventh grade which only screwed me up for a short period of time, luckily I don’t think there have been any long-term consequences that I’ve had to deal with because of it.
Continue reading “Flashback to the Future”
A website based on just one risky topic is enough to field plenty of scrutiny on its own, so one that embraces three often ‘unmentionable’ topics must have been born out of lunacy, right? Well..I swear there’s a logical explanation for this. I think.
You may have been a reader long enough to know that Ophelia’s hasn’t always actually been Ophelia’s. In fact, Ophelia’s was originally founded as Thoughts With a Dildo in Hand. If you didn’t know that and raised an eyebrow or two as you read it, you’ve quickly seen the reason why I changed the name.
My depression began at an early age, and I navigate it without pharmaceutical intervention. Instead, I’ve found that cannabis aids me in multiple manners regarding my depression, anxiety, appetite, pain, and more, and it also has had an immeasurable impact on my sex life. After receiving the coveted Magic Wand as a gift, I also quickly realized that masturbating while medicating with cannabis has an absolutely palpable positive effect on my depression.
I don’t know about you, but I’m constantly thinking. There is never silence in my mind (which can be problematic), and for some reason when I’m masturbating – I do a hell of a lot of thinking. Add cannabis and its mind-expanding and thought-provoking properties, and I’m one pensive mofo.
The lovely combination of pleasure, increased endorphins, relaxation, and focus always sends a flood of thoughts to my brain, and it leads to an assortment of outcomes. It’s always unpredictable, but my thoughts during masturbation typically cover things like: opinions on the toy I’m using, comebacks I should have said during a conversation nine years ago, shit on my ‘to-do’ list, some random song, epiphanies, cool porn I’ve seen, etc.
After a while I started envisioning what my website would be like and began writing down ideas as they came to me. In truth, my blog existed for at least one year in my mind before its inception, and much of it was created lying on my back, legs spread, with my Magic Wand shuddering me into orgasmic orbit. There were so many ideas and flashes of brilliance that I had to have Google Keep open on my phone on the bed next to me because I simply couldn’t remember them all and had to write them down.
The name made perfect sense; it was unique, provocative, intriguing, and a little naughty. It was bold, yet honest; and begged for answers. Unfortunately, however, it caused my metaphorical book to be judged by its cover.
My mission has always been to destigmatize depression, sex, and cannabis, and to provide a safe space to folks who desire to share their stories, but my message had the potential to be clouded by a name that made some people do a double-take. So I decided that possibly being overlooked while on a mission just isn’t a risk I’m interested in taking.
Same content, same topics, same mission; not-so-direct title. I assure you you’re still getting the same ol’ thoughts with a dildo in hand, just with a new face.
What are your ‘thoughts’ on the name change?
Chances are, you’ve already heard of her. But just in case you haven’t, I’ll go on.
She is beautiful, talented, supportive, and has a great ass. What more could you ask for? A blog where you can see all of the aforementioned? Fear not – she’s got that, too.
On Molly’s Daily Kiss you’ll find her projects, memes she hosts, photography, and blog which is chock full of thoughts, quotes, stories, and delightfully naughty pictures. She’s always good for a laugh and she’s just fantastic with words.
Among so many other things she does, Molly inherited the heavy task of assembling the Top 100 Sex Blogs list. That means you get to nominate any and all sex blogs you like by 11/1/18 by either commenting on her post, or emailing her. One by one, blogs will be scrutinized based on certain merits, then released to the world in a helpful list that will keep us all busy for the next year. Until she does it all over again.
Molly’s also got a super neat husband, Michael, who is a tech master and all-around delightful human being. I know I appreciate his knowledge!
Check out more of Molly, nominate your favorite sex bloggers, ask Michael your deepest and darkest SEO questions, or see what devilish things are going on for Sinful Sunday. You really can’t go wrong; Molly’s Daily Kiss will linger on your lips.
Since 2013, the good folks over at Kinkly have scoured through the best of the best sex blogs in all of the Interwebs to come up with the Top Sex Blogging Superheroes all in one place.
It’s that time again, and starting Monday 10/8/18 until Saturday 10/13/18, you can vote for your favorite sex blog(s) to be considered for Kinkly’s coveted Top 100 spots. You can vote for multiple blogs if you’d like, and each blog that receives enough votes will be assessed accordingly by Kinkly.
With your help last year, Ophelia’s was named in Kinkly’s Top Ten Best New Blogs of 2017, and was ranked #58 in the overall Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes – not too shabby! Think we can do better this year? Vote now!
If you dig my blog and think it deserves recognition, you’re able to vote for it here for consideration. Thank you! The results will be announced by Kinkly on November 5, 2018.
If you have absolutely no idea what Kinkly is, what you’re voting for, or what the hell is going on – fear not as I have it all explained here. As always, thank you, and Ophelia’s is nothing without you!
We throw parties all year-round to celebrate everything and nothing. We have birthday parties, holiday parties, graduation parties, you name it. Hell, New Orleans alone has over 130 festivals a year – it’s clear that humans all over the world are champing at the bit to celebrate anything.
Many of us have received a pastel-laden invitation in the mail requesting our presence (presents?) at a friend or colleague’s Baby Shower and never blinked an eye – it’s easy to imagine the desire to celebrate new life, right? But what about death? Can you imagine what your first thoughts would be if you opened up that envelope to reveal an End of Life Party invitation? I can’t say that I ever had either, until the day it became a reality.
As you may know I’m a bit of a jack(ass) of all trades, so in between blogging, science-ing, housekeeping, and masturbating, I also do a bit of DJing. A couple of months ago I got a call from a friend of a friend of someone in desperate need of a good DJ to orchestrate a last minute End of Life Party.
With my thoughts reeling and emotions surfacing which I’d never had to face before, I listened to my friend explain more details about the party. She told me that it’s for a man who has terminal cancer and wants to celebrate one final time among his loved ones. After a quick glance at my calendar to verify availability, I couldn’t accept fast enough because I knew this party and I were destined to meet.
She didn’t have many more details, and it wouldn’t have affected my feelings on accepting anyway, so we hung up and my mind started wandering. I’d never done a gig quite like this before and I began to have questions: How old is this person? (And please tell me he’s at least 100 years old and lived a full life.) Is this going to be somber, or will everyone be in a celebratory mood? What music should I play or avoid so I’m not insensitive or insulting? And most importantly, as an empath, do I even have the physical and mental capability of coordinating such an emotional event? Some of my questions were answered soon enough when I spoke to the man directly.
I was relieved when he talked about his grandchildren because at least he’s been around long enough to enjoy another generation. He told me he doesn’t want this to be “some Goddamn pity party,” but light, fun, and happy instead. I felt a little better after talking to him because I got a better sense of what he was looking for – just a celebration of life.
Well, I happen to specialize in celebration.
Right off the tip of Cape Cod, just beyond the giant white party tent stretched the ocean as far as you could see. Fifteen large, round tables with light gray linens and white chairs were strategically arranged under the tent surrounding the dance floor and DJ booth. Another twenty high tops were scattered around the outside edges of the tent, clearly intended for folks to soak up the rays while enjoying a cocktail by the water. Each table was modestly decorated with a small arrangement of assorted flowers, all lime green in color.
With the naked eye it looked like any other event I’d ever been to, but as I sat in the Mustang after I pulled into the driveway my heart grew heavy as I remembered why I was there. His wife met me and told me where to set up. Eager to see the rest of the oceanfront property, I walked around after I tested my gear and took in the view before his guests arrived.
It was a beautiful sunny day on the water and his friends and family started filing into the tent. He’d asked for a variety of music, so I adorned cocktail hour with popular speakeasy-style tunes with a dash of 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s hits. His guests were immediately toe-tapping and grooving, and there wasn’t a teardrop in the place. After the guest of honor and his wife made a welcome speech, I stepped things up with some disco favorites and found my dance floor packed before dinner was even served.
He has dozens of loved ones so several people asked to make speeches, and I encountered many props stashed under my booth. A guest book was passed around at each table for people to write something personal to him; and just about everything was photographed or videoed by someone. Framed, old pictures of him dating back to the 1940’s embellished the various accent tables. His caterer served several hors d’oeuvres and small plates because he didn’t want a traditional, formal, sit-down dinner to weigh down the party – he hated the idea of people being chained down to their chairs. More high tops lined the dance floor to house the drinks of those busting a move all night.
People told stories. His friends choreographed an absolutely awful dance to their group’s favorite song. Family made scrapbooks of their lives together. A grandson wrote him a song. Daughters read a poem together. His tennis club showed up wearing lime green bracelets that had FUCK LYMPHATIC CANCER written on them. Memories were shared. Memories were made. People laughed. People cried. It was a true celebration of life.
He expected people to go home early and I thought he was right when I experienced a lull in dancing – but I think people were just off somewhere refueling and peeing. Twenty minutes before I was scheduled to leave, the dance floor exploded and I couldn’t step away for another forty-five minutes to ask my client if he’d like me to stay another hour; which I ultimately did. It was as if no one wanted to let him go.
And I’ll be damned; he spent a solid 75% of the night dancing, aided in remaining upright by whoever danced with him at the time. That’s pretty incredible for someone given a death sentence.
I mentioned my fear of crumbling inside of my sensitive empath skin being faced with such sadness, but I actually surprised myself. I managed to stay composed throughout the entire event from beginning to end, and only teared up a few times during some of the more sentimental moments. I believe that knowing I was making such a difference in so many lives is what kept my composure in check, and gave me the strength to push through with a big smile on my face.
Helping others is something that has brought me joy since I was a small child. I’ve always always had a sense about sharing, helping, and being kind. I felt so good giving him the party he dreamed of and making him happy. His family was beyond thankful for my contribution to the day, and I had many intimate conversations with them.
His wife was the very last person I spoke with that night before I left, and she inadvertently answered my final, initial question that I wasn’t sure I even wanted the answer to. In conversation, she told me that her husband likely has only four to five months to live. Though I had been curious about the timing of the party and his prognosis, I wasn’t convinced I wanted to know exactly how long he has. Part of me wanted to pretend that I wasn’t found last minute for a reason; that possibly he has a few years left and they just want the party now. Another part of me wanted to pretend it was just another birthday party and that death is not whispering his name.
But no; now I know that he may be gone by the end of this year.
The entire journey certainly had me thinking throughout. I think about death and mortality every day of my life, and it affects me when it gets close. Of course his End of Life Party wasn’t anything revolutionary, in fact many cultures throw a big bash to celebrate death such as the Irish Wake, New Orleans Jazz Funeral, and Día de los Muertos. It’s just that usually the person is already dead. This person has only been given the promise of death.
We never know how much time we have, but sometimes you get a chance to know your own expiration date. And isn’t that the way it should be? Shouldn’t we be granted the opportunity to celebrate our own life, instead of our loved ones assembling in our absence? Or is it something we should have no knowledge of?
Would you celebrate your life?
If an End of Life Party is ever something you’re interested in planning, this is what I observed:
Have you ever celebrated death before?
Amazon is hands-down my favorite place to shop for general items. The service is great, the quality is always good as long as you’re a careful shopper, and it’s an overall good shopping experience. However, Amazon goes a little bit deeper for me.
My depression gets pretty real sometimes, and it manifests itself in many ways. I have an incredibly difficult time getting motivated in the first place, and it’s rather painful for me to actually finish something once it miraculously gets started as well. The two-day Prime shipping has saved this procrastinator’s ass more times than I’d like to mention, so being able to order something basically last minute and have a fairy fly by and drop it at my doorstep is a precious gift for people like me.
Not only that, but the fact that the Magical Amazon Fairy drops said packages off on my doorstep WITHOUT ME SPEAKING TO A SINGLE PERSON damn near brings tears to my eyes. If you have depression or anxiety, you totally understand the fear or dread associated with interacting with other human beings, or worse, strangers. Or just from going out at all.
Being able to order something two days before you need it while drinking wine in your underwear, then seeing it take shape on your doorstep a mere 48 hours later (for free) is a force not to be reckoned with. And in 8,000 cities – you’re eligible for one-day and even SAME-DAY SHIPPING.
So if you aren’t an Amazon Prime member, I highly suggest you form that relationship today to begin indulging in the stupid convenient perks that come with your membership. And don’t forget; a tiny, tiny portion of select sales made using my personal link goes to the structure of Ophelia’s, hosting giveaways, and other expenses. To use my link, please clear your cookies and click on any of the affiliate links on my site (www.FearlessOphelia.com). Thank you SO MUCH for your support.
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Here are today and tomorrow’s Prime Day Deals starting July 16 at 12pm PT/3pm ET and will run through July 17 at 11:59pm PT/2:59am ET…Finish Reading
Everyone has a different brand of depression. Some people isolate themselves from the world, some turn to drugs and alcohol, some stay in bed for days on end, etc. Those of us with depression manifest our symptoms very differently, and no two people are exactly the same.
My particular depression is very unambiguous to me – my two motivators in life are guilt, and none at all. For the most part, I’ve got zero motivation in life. That’s not to say that I don’t have dreams – I just don’t achieve as many as my brain thinks up. I simply don’t have the motivation or energy to be the person I know I could be. However, I do constantly challenge myself on my behavior and question if I’m depressed or just plain lazy. I don’t want to be a lazy person, and I don’t think I’m a lazy person; but I don’t have an explanation for why I feel the way I feel.
The biggest characteristic of my particular brand is that literally everything I do in my life takes my maximum effort. I’m not inclined to do anything. It doesn’t matter if it’s a chore or the most fun thing in the world – I’m just not interested. Nothing is easy for me. So if I ever get anything done, it’s because I sincerely couldn’t take the guilt anymore.
Oh yes – just because I don’t have the will to do much on a day-to-day basis doesn’t mean that I have the ability to brush things off and forget about them. No, no, no, no. I remember every. single. little. thing. that I have to do or was supposed to do. Things I should do better, things I should have said, things I should have said 10 years ago, wrongs I need to right, letters I was supposed to send, calls I need to make, time I should have spent – trust me, it never ends. I lie awake at night thinking about all the things I need to do and have postponed. I think about them constantly during the day and it eats at my conscience until eventually I snap. Only then do I take action; when I simply can’t take it anymore.
An example of my inadequacy presented itself last week. CONTINUE
We all get a little anxious now and again, but what if those thoughts interfere with your everyday life? And what if you know it’s affecting your life, but others can’t see it – is it in your head? Or do you have high-functioning anxiety? CONTINUE
That colorful time of year is officially here – it’s Pride Month. Every year in June, we celebrate the beauty of individuality. It was originally conceived to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots in Manhattan, and it has grown into something celebrated across the entire world.
Folks all over will be donning their tutus, face paint, glitter, balloons, and flags, in an attempt to show pride, and create awareness for a sector of people who have rights and just want to enjoy life like everyone else. So how can we all participate in Pride?
Check out my Quick Pride Guide 2018 for everything you need to know about getting your Pride on.
The biggest significance that pronouns have had in our lives was as children when their proper use was drilled into our heads. Now, pronouns are more important than ever. They’re almost as important as a person’s name – it’s what we use to identify ourselves and how we project ourselves to the world.
We no longer identify as a binary world – sure, we still have male and female sex characteristics, but you simply can’t assume how a person identifies based on how they look. But what are the aspects of gender identity? CONTINUE
Morning sickness is a very common occurrence during pregnancy. But is there any way to alleviate it? Researchers went undercover as pregnant women and called multiple Colorado marijuana dispensaries seeking advice for the common ailment. CONTINUE
No matter if you’re monogamous or not, you may have wondered at some point in time what it’s like to be on the other side. Does sex eventually get boring in a monogamous relationship? Or is there nothing that can beat that singular connection? CONTINUE
AirBnb is fantastic when you need a home away from home, but homeowners tend to get upset if you throw an orgy on their microfiber loveseat. But what if there was a place where you could rent that sex dungeon you keep imagining in your wildest dreams? And what if you didn’t have to carry that entire extra suitcase full of floggers and paddles through the airport on your way? READ MORE
You’re sweaty. Your heart is pounding. You’re exhausted. Your mouth is dry. Your arms and legs feel more like anvils than appendages. After spending the last 45 minutes vigorously masturbating, all you want is food and water STAT. Well fear no more, your desires will soon be assuaged by the least likely of saviors – your vibrator. READ MORE
Fearless Ophelia