SwingTowns is a large dating network for polyamorous, swinger, and fetish lifestyles, and they recently approached me to write for them about my experiences with squirting. Ever since I figured out how to do it, I’ve been an advocate for others to learn and experience it themselves. I realized that you don’t have to be a porn star, or any other star, to squirt. (more…)
Cocktails on the beach create the perfect prelude to a little Afternoon Delight. With the scorching sun beaming down on me, I’m sticky with sweat and in the heat the alcohol seems to be hitting a little harder than it normally would. Never without a way to medicate, I freely vape without fear of consequence on our semi-private beach as I watch the waves roll in and out.
As the hours pass, we sip our frozen daiquiris and take shots in between wading in the water and napping in lounge chairs under an umbrella. The longer we’re out, the more intense the tingling between my legs becomes, like the increasing rumble of a train before it passes by. I vocalize a plan about fucking when we get back to the beach house before we go out to dinner, and he tells me that had always been his plan. Just hearing him say he’s already thinking about screwing me sends another ripple through me. I start thinking about what I’m going to do to him and (more…)
I’ve always heard about people who get turned on from potentially ‘getting caught’ while masturbating, having sex, or otherwise doing something frowned upon. Just thinking that the janitor may walk into the closet mid-fuck, or that the kids will be home from school at any minute is enough to make plenty of nipples hard.
‘Ask Ophelia’ Question #2
A couple of weeks ago I received a question regarding something that has not been uncommon throughout history – the age gap. Many people wonder: what pair of ages are socially or even morally acceptable for a sexual relationship to exist?
“Is it possible for a youngish woman to consider making love with an old man? He was gorgeous when younger, now a ‘nice looking’ very old man. He still knows how to fulfill a woman, but he is old. A tongue is a tongue, and even better when it’s knowledgeable. What do you think?”
Here’s What I Think:
Whether it’s sexual orientation, gender, age, or the car we drive, all that really matters is one thing right? That we’re (more…)
Most of us have fantasized about having a three-way at some point whether or not we want to admit it. There are all sorts of different gender combinations, but my first three-way was with two males. That’s many a girl’s ultimate fantasy, but mine was a little bit different – one of the men is gay and the other is straight.
I can’t quite remember how the idea surfaced or whose it was, but when I was 19 or 20 my gay friend Brandon and I decided we wanted to experiment with a three-way. None of our friends knew each other, so we had to find someone that only one of us knew. I struggled to think of someone it wouldn’t be awkward with, but he thought of a friend he figured would be interested. I have no idea how he possibly propositioned him, but it worked. I was immediately nervous, and all I was able to picture was 3 meerkats humping – but I was also extremely excited.
My friend was house-sitting for his parents in their beautiful alpine cabin one weekend and we decided it was a perfect opportunity. While getting ready for the evening I scrubbed and shaved nearly everything I have; then (more…)
Sex acts for the first time are pretty terrifying for everyone because you really have no idea what you’re doing. No one gave you a tutorial, no one gave you training wheels, the Internet didn’t have all of the things on it yet, and you were quite literally taking a stab in the dark. Or perhaps it was daytime.
I was horny AF growing up, so I definitely had a lot of practice with myself. However, I’d never touched a real penis and didn’t exactly know how they operate. The closest I’d gotten to a penis before age 17 was a squiggly vibrating pen (The Dizzy Doodler) I’d push up my pussy, grabbing random guy friends (as I’ve mentioned, there was a lot of grabbing at my school), and an auto-penetrating vibrator I was able to purchase 007-style online on the family computer when my parents weren’t home one night. Remembering to clear the browser history, of course.
I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 12 while I was on the road with my parents, and my boobs seemed to become conversation pieces early on in junior high and high school and were always getting groped by someone. (I realize how Trump-like this all sounds, but it was actually consensual among all parties. Teenagers are extremely horny.) I masturbated pretty frequently and fantasized about what having sex feels like, but I remember being quite nervous in advance about my first time.
At 17 I figured that the next step in the succession of sex things would be to give a blow job. I did (more…)
As I’ve mentioned, I started to really make friends in high school because everyone fits in somewhere. I mostly nerded out with the music department, but I also found a home with the ‘goth’ kids. Not emo, but goth – dark clothes, wallet chains, skulls, angry music, platform leather boots, and pants with legs you could fit two of your friends in. Because of my depression, I’ve always identified with the more macabre things in life and really found comfort in that crowd.
I often sat with the goth kids at lunch, usually with my best friend. For no apparent reason one day during our junior year, she told our friend Heidi that she should kiss me. I’d never kissed a girl before, but the idea didn’t actually sound terrible to me. Heidi had long, blonde hair, eyes as blue as the ocean, big tits, and a smile that warmed your soul. She’s absolutely gorgeous, so I didn’t exactly protest.
It’s halfway through the month, and we’re only days away from Spring in the Northern Hemisphere. Those of you in warmer climates haven’t been too affected; but the poor bastards (like me) who just had to dig our way out of Storm Stella in the Midwest and Eastern U.S. have just about had enough. We all need a little something to look forward to right now, so I figured it’s a great time to get my Anniversary Bash going.
Below is the Calendar of Carousal followed by descriptions of the events. Extra activities and giveaways will be added along the way, so subscribe or check back frequently to be notified of what has been released.
March 15 – Pot Pocket giveaway opens – enter here: Bash Giveaway #1: Pot Pocket – 6 Prizes!
16 – Reader Poll – What Ails You?
17 – ‘Firsts’ Story – It’s my First Anniversary Bash, so I figured I’d tell you stories about some of my ‘first times.’ This first true story is titled “I Kissed a Girl Who is a Guy.”
18 – Review: The Womanizer Pro 40 from Good Vibes – a toy for clitoral stimulation
20 – Chameleon Glass giveaway opens!
21 – Topic: Depression
22 – Review: Chameleon Glass Wake ‘n Bake Mug
23 – Review: Bucky King Co. – we’ll check out their pipes and portable gravity bong
24 – ‘Firsts’ Story
25 – Topic: Cannabis
27 – ‘Firsts’ Story
28 – Reader Poll
29 – #WednesdayWisdom: “Ask Ophelia” – I get a lot of questions, so I figured I’d tell you the answers
30 – Reader Poll – Bash Ends
From foreplay to completion, how long does your session typically last?
Blogging didn’t even exist yet when I was born in ’85, and shoddy dial-up Internet didn’t reach US homes until the 90’s. Growing up as an 80’s/90’s kid, you relied solely on books for information. If you wanted to learn or understand anything, yes, you had to go to this place called a ‘Library’ and scour through books (with no Ctrl-F) endlessly until you found what you were looking for. As you can imagine or have experienced, this is very time-consuming, and mostly unhelpful.
This practice was fine for book reports and learning about the Civil War, but as a developing adolescent there were only so many books for me about ‘What is this vagina thing?,’ ‘Oh-I own something called a G-spot?,’ and later in life, ‘My partners don’t make me orgasm so there’s probably something wrong with me, right?’ I remember sitting in the corner of a Barnes and Noble a few times growing up reading titles such as “Where Did I Come From?” and “What’s Happening to My Body?,” taking care to have a Highlights magazine keep the book hidden.
Thoughts With a Dildo in Hand has existed in my mind for a couple of years now, and I finally released it to the world just over one year ago. For my first anniversary, I’m throwing a month-long virtual bash in your honor. After all – I’d just be talking to myself if I didn’t have my faithful readers.
So, thank you.
To celebrate, I’ll be reviewing some awesome products and giving away a bunch more. I’ll be sharing personal stories of other ‘firsts’ I’ve had, and have other fun things to do too. There will also be llamas.
The Magic Wand is nothing new to the sex toy world, and it has formed itself a great reputation as one of the BEST sex toys out there – but not all of the chatter is very ‘becumming.’ I believe that both the Magic Wand Original and Rechargeable are quality, sophisticated, and necessary products that don’t deserve unfounded rumors. Based on many questions my readers have privately asked me about the Wand and opinions I’ve seen oot and aboot on the Internet, I decided that there was just too much speculation and very little fact. So I’ve stepped into the (cock) ring and am prepared to battle the Top Ten Myths about the Magic Wand.
Scroll down for the Quick Tech Specs!
With all of the drama that’s been going on around here, I swear I haven’t jerked off in ages. I kept thinking about it, and all it did was amp up my libido. I started getting wet just reading a recipe for compost tea for cannabis plants, so I figured I was well overdue to cum. I’ve been meaning to write a review for the G-Twist from Good Vibes and thought this would be a great opportunity. This is actually an improved, updated version from the old one whose battery compartment gave some users trouble.
Since I was getting wet over absolutely nothing, I figured I didn’t need porn but went for it anyway. I like porn. It gets me incredibly aroused, and I LOVE getting all worked up and then satisfying it. I saw a “Military Uniform”category on my second favorite porn site, and it caught my attention. I settled on this patriotic gem here and grabbed the G-Twist.
My husband and I like getting together with our friends occasionally for ‘game night’ – ie: drinking and perverse commentary while playing some form of inappropriate card or board game. Our best friends just had their second baby in two years a few months ago so it has been challenging to see each other, but we finally were able to recently and checked out a new game.
What could possibly be better than dildos, scissoring, big dicks, and alcohol? Nothing. That’s why Porn: The Game! was created.
Apparently I’m the kind of person who lives ‘on the edge.’ My mother has always been very shy and would rather die than be the last person to walk late into a room full of people, so she’s never understood my ‘bravery.’ And I say ‘brave’ in quotes because it can often be interchanged for ‘stupid,’ ‘risky,’ or ‘harebrained.’
I keep having more and more epiphanies in the past couple years due to the incredible mind-expansion that weed is known for, and one of the epiphanies has been realizing what it is that leads me to taking more chances than the standard human being. I think when you have depression, you don’t always value your life as highly as others may value theirs. This seems to have manifested itself over the years in a way that makes me incredibly comfortable taking chances by trying new and terrifying things, meeting up with strangers from the Internet, or traveling to faraway destinations alone. Depression gives you that mindset where you don’t always look twice to see if a bus is coming before crossing the street, so I’ve always sort of lived this way. Or I’ve simply just been bestowed with the reckless bug. Either way, I now have an endless supply of awesome stories about the crazy shit that I’ve encountered. One of my favorite stories takes place in my parents’ house with the Comcast Guy.
If you’ve ever been to Niagara Falls, you were first struck by their immense beauty and presence, then you were impressed by how powerful the falls must be to create an almost deafening sound that gently rattles the Earth surrounding them. I hadn’t managed to make it to the Falls in my cognizant adult life, so my husband took me there a couple of years ago. It now occupies a high slot on the list of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been (especially at night), and I really enjoyed going down below them on the Maid of the Mist boat tour.
I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.
I was recently reminded of some of these feelings, and it’s not because we visited Buffalo again.
Here’s a preview of my experience with KlittraJet – the awesome erotic shower and bath system that was my giveaway for Valentine’s Day. Stay tuned, you’ll hear all about it tomorrow!
“I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met us on the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.”
We’ve all at some point seen the porn where the chick shoots liquid from her crotch 20 feet across the room and thought to ourselves, ‘There’s no way that’s real, she has to be peeing.’ But despite my numerous attempts at replaying the videos right at ‘the moment’ to see what it looks like, where it came from and how, I’ve always been a bit skeptical while remaining sincerely curious and intrigued.
It took my entire life thus far to be able to nail down the difference between a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm, and when I finally did a few months ago I decided that learning to ‘squirt’ was going to be my next mission. There was only one problem; if I happened to actually be successful, where did I plan on doing this without making a total mess?
One of my recent discoveries is Sheets of San Francisco, a company that makes fluid-proof sheets and pillow cases. Here’s an excerpt from my upcoming review that’ll be published tomorrow:
“We’ve all at some point seen the porn where the chick shoots liquid from her crotch 20 feet across the room and thought to ourselves, ‘There’s no way that’s real, she has to be peeing.’ But despite my numerous attempts at replaying the videos right at ‘the moment’ to see what it looks like, where it came from, and how, I’ve always been a bit skeptical while remaining sincerely curious.