Music has always been an extremely significant part of my life. From singing, to playing piano, to being a DJ, to having music playing almost constantly; it has always served an important purpose for me. It has gotten me through my worst times, and even my best times. If music didn’t exist, I’m positive the silence would kill me.
High school was a particularly difficult time for me. Between school itself, a strained relationship with my mother, and having already had a depressive childhood, I saw some of my darkest days in high school.
About a year ago, I sat in bed and cried into my bong while I sang Adele, and asked myself what the hell is wrong with me. If that sounds pathetic, it’s because it was. I was in an extremely bad place; so much so that if I didn’t find my way out of it, it was going to start affecting my life, marriage, and overall health. I decided then that there would be no more unexplained crying into my bong allowed, and that it’s time I get serious about attempting therapy. I understand most of what’s wrong with me, I just need some pointers on coping with it.
My depression began when I was nine years old after a series of traumatic events. I had always been a happy child who loved people, but everything seemed to change that year. I cried, I was sad, and I hung my head when I walked. I felt the change, and my parents saw it too. Depression started young for me, and while it comes and goes and mutates itself in hundreds of ways, I know it will probably always be a part of my life.
I’ve shared my depression stories with you here and there over the last year, and many of you have bravely come forward in response and commented or emailed me parts of your story as well. When we share our experiences with each other, it’s very therapeutic because it doesn’t fall on deaf ears. Depression makes us feel alone in a crowded room, so knowing that there are others who have seen the same lows that we have is extremely powerful. Seeing someone describe the same feelings you’ve experienced allows you to breathe for a minute and think, “OK – so I’m not that crazy.
So I’m opening up a forum for us to talk about depression. There are over 350,000,000 people affected by depression globally, and half of Americans with depression are seeking absolutely no treatment. People with depression are shunned, overlooked, and condemned to being called “lazy,” so talking about actual experiences seems uncommon.