My Squirting Tell-All Guest Post on SwingTowns’ Blog

SwingTowns is a large dating network for polyamorous, swinger, and fetish lifestyles, and they recently approached me to write for them about my experiences with squirting. Ever since I figured out how to do it, I’ve been an advocate for others to learn and experience it themselves. I realized that you don’t have to be a porn star, or any other star, to squirt. (more…)

True Story Series: Squirting Adventure on the Beach

Cocktails on the beach create the perfect prelude to a little Afternoon Delight. With the scorching sun beaming down on me, I’m sticky with sweat and in the heat the alcohol seems to be hitting a little harder than it normally would. Never without a way to medicate, I freely vape without fear of consequence on our semi-private beach as I watch the waves roll in and out.

As the hours pass, we sip our frozen daiquiris and take shots in between wading in the water and napping in lounge chairs under an umbrella. The longer we’re out, the more intense the tingling between my legs becomes, like the increasing rumble of a train before it passes by. I vocalize a plan about fucking when we get back to the beach house before we go out to dinner, and he tells me that had always been his plan. Just hearing him say he’s already thinking about screwing me sends another ripple through me. I start thinking about what I’m going to do to him and (more…)

Review: Womanizer Pro40 from Good Vibes

Short on Time? Quick Analysis at the Bottom!


If you’ve never heard of or used a Womanizer, it’s actually a pretty interesting concept if you can get past the name. About zero people understand why they chose “Womanizer” as a brand, but let’s just go with it for now. Built specifically for the clit, this innovative little tool is nothing like your vibrator at home.


Ophelia’s First Anniversary Bash – Giveaways, Reviews, Activities, and Stray Llamas

Thoughts With a Dildo in Hand has existed in my mind for a couple of years now, and I finally released it to the world just over one year ago. For my first anniversary, I’m throwing a month-long virtual bash in your honor. After all – I’d just be talking to myself if I didn’t have my faithful readers.

So, thank you.

To celebrate, I’ll be reviewing some awesome products and giving away a bunch more. I’ll be sharing personal stories of other ‘firsts’ I’ve had, and have other fun things to do too. There will also be llamas.


The Top 10 Myths About the Magic Wand Original and Rechargeable


The Magic Wand is nothing new to the sex toy world, and it has formed itself a great reputation as one of the BEST sex toys out there – but not all of the chatter is very ‘becumming.’ I believe that both the Magic Wand Original and Rechargeable are quality, sophisticated, and necessary products that don’t deserve unfounded rumors. Based on many questions my readers have privately asked me about the Wand and opinions I’ve seen oot and aboot on the Internet, I decided that there was just too much speculation and very little fact. So I’ve stepped into the (cock) ring and am prepared to battle the Top Ten Myths about the Magic Wand.


Review: My Twisted #Orgasm from the ‘G-Twist’ by Good Vibrations

Scroll down for the Quick Tech Specs!


With all of the drama that’s been going on around here, I swear I haven’t jerked off in ages. I kept thinking about it, and all it did was amp up my libido. I started getting wet just reading a recipe for compost tea for cannabis plants, so I figured I was well overdue to cum. I’ve been meaning to write a review for the G-Twist from Good Vibes and thought this would be a great opportunity. This is actually an improved, updated version from the old one whose battery compartment gave some users trouble.

Since I was getting wet over absolutely nothing, I figured I didn’t need porn but went for it anyway. I like porn. It gets me incredibly aroused, and I LOVE getting all worked up and then satisfying it. I saw a “Military Uniform”category on my second favorite porn site, and it caught my attention. I settled on this patriotic gem here and grabbed the G-Twist.


Playing with Porn, Not Watching It


My husband and I like getting together with our friends occasionally for ‘game night’ – ie: drinking and perverse commentary while playing some form of inappropriate card or board game. Our best friends just had their second baby in two years a few months ago so it has been challenging to see each other, but we finally were able to recently and checked out a new game.

What could possibly be better than dildos, scissoring, big dicks, and alcohol? Nothing. That’s why Porn: The Game! was created.



I Hooked Up with the Comcast Guy | ‘The Future of Awesome’

Apparently I’m the kind of person who lives ‘on the edge.’ My mother has always been very shy and would rather die than be the last person to walk late into a room full of people, so she’s never understood my ‘bravery.’ And I say ‘brave’ in quotes because it can often be interchanged for ‘stupid,’ ‘risky,’ or ‘harebrained.’

I keep having more and more epiphanies in the past couple years due to the incredible mind-expansion that weed is known for, and one of the epiphanies has been realizing what it is that leads me to taking more chances than the standard human being. I think when you have depression, you don’t always value your life as highly as others may value theirs. This seems to have manifested itself over the years in a way that makes me incredibly comfortable taking chances by trying new and terrifying things, meeting up with strangers from the Internet, or traveling to faraway destinations alone. Depression gives you that mindset where you don’t always look twice to see if a bus is coming before crossing the street, so I’ve always sort of lived this way. Or I’ve simply just been bestowed with the reckless bug. Either way, I now have an endless supply of awesome stories about the crazy shit that I’ve encountered. One of my favorite stories takes place in my parents’ house with the Comcast Guy.



How Niagara Falls Feels Against Your Clit

If you’ve ever been to Niagara Falls, you were first struck by their immense beauty and presence, then you were impressed by how powerful the falls must be to create an almost deafening sound that gently rattles the Earth surrounding them. I hadn’t managed to make it to the Falls in my cognizant adult life, so my husband took me there a couple of years ago. It now occupies a high slot on the list of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been (especially at night), and I really enjoyed going down below them on the Maid of the Mist boat tour.


I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.

I was recently reminded of some of these feelings, and it’s not because we visited Buffalo again.


Preview – Champagne for Your Genitals | A KlittraJet Review

Here’s a preview of my experience with KlittraJet – the awesome erotic shower and bath system that was my giveaway for Valentine’s Day. Stay tuned, you’ll hear all about it tomorrow!

In the meantime, you can check KlittraJet out here or follow them on Twitter here!

“I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met us on the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.”


How I Taught Myself to Squirt Like a Porn Star with Sheets of San Francisco and the Njoy Pure Wand

We’ve all at some point seen the porn where the chick shoots liquid from her crotch 20 feet across the room and thought to ourselves, ‘There’s no way that’s real, she has to be peeing.’ But despite my numerous attempts at replaying the videos right at ‘the moment’ to see what it looks like, where it came from and how, I’ve always been a bit skeptical while remaining sincerely curious and intrigued.


It took my entire life thus far to be able to nail down the difference between a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm, and when I finally did a few months ago I decided that learning to ‘squirt’ was going to be my next mission. There was only one problem; if I happened to actually be successful, where did I plan on doing this without making a total mess?


Introducing KlittraJet Erotic Shower & Bath System! | Valentine’s Day Giveaway + 50% Off Code!

I just teamed up with @KlittraJet to bring you an erotic shower and bath system giveaway! They’re a brand new company that is launching this spring and I’m super excited about them! It was designed with the ladies in mind, which is great news for our clits. However, it’s discrete enough to look like a normal shower system, and even the rest of the household will love this thing beating down on their backs.


The shower kit is a shower head with a super long hose to reach down to the tub. It has several ‘massage’ settings for you to massage……..anything and anyone you want. The shower and bath kit includes the same shower head but also comes with the Magic Lotus, which is a personal-sized jet for your clit. Or your butt. Your choice.

This guy’s having fun…


Joining the Mile ‘High’ Club | Cumming in for a Landing – True Story


We’ve all heard of the ‘Mile High Club,’ but ironically I’d somehow never ‘joined’ – so I decided to rectify that situation on a recent flight down south. I was alone, but the rules seem to indicate that there is such a thing as the ‘Solo Aviator Division.’ A last minute aircraft switch caused us all to get reassigned seats, which actually afforded me somewhat of an upgrade from my initial seat. Our original plane had two seats on either side of the aisle which makes for a rather intimate flight, but the equipment change to a larger plane had us all spread out with room to spare. I found myself in the window seat of row 8 with a handsome man in a business suit to my right with an empty seat between us.


A Sexy Holiday-Themed Photo Shoot Preview | Sinful Sunday

To get into the spirit of the holidays, I begged my best friend to let me do a sexy photo shoot of her. Lucky for us she agreed, and some pretty hot stuff came out of it! It just wouldn’t be the holidays without lights, bows, music, and a fantastic ass.

Here’s one of the pictures from our shoot:

Continue reading “A Sexy Holiday-Themed Photo Shoot Preview | Sinful Sunday”

Cyber Week Deals From My Affiliates | Ophelia’s Discount Code


When you’re all done buying your Tupperware, vacuums, and video games for the kids on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, don’t forget to take a minute and think about yourself for once. When was the last time you splurged and bought yourself a new sex toy or smoking accessory?

My affiliates are having some pretty sweet deals right now for Cyber Week, so I thought I’d share them with you!

Continue reading “Cyber Week Deals From My Affiliates | Ophelia’s Discount Code”

POLL: At what age did you first masturbate AND orgasm?

Hey everyone! I’m curious – what age were you when you figured out how to use your equipment? I don’t mean, “Hey, what’s that thing….,” I mean when did you decide to explore if something happens if you don’t stop touching it?

I was probably between 10 and 12 as I’ve mentioned, and I haven’t stopped since! I’ve always found orgasms to be therapeutic for me in that they physically feel good, help put me to sleep, and are fun as hell to work up to!

So go ahead and vote, I’m anxious to see the results.

Comment and tell me – what event or thought led up to you touching yourself the first time? How did you react to your first orgasm? Is masturbation something that was taught, ignored, or shunned in your family? And what gender do you identify as? Talk to me!


The Day it Happened….

One night, my husband and I went upstairs to go to bed. When I rounded the bed to reach my side, I saw a box on my pillow. I opened it and discovered another long, skinny box, a bunch of lubes, some condoms, necklaces, and some pins. This is the most random box I had ever opened, but it certainly had my attention. Evidently my husband won a toy and some schwag in a contest held by someone on Twitter.

Aside from the fact that we just don’t win things in life, I had no idea how that little box was about to change my life. The toy in question here is the beloved Magic Wand Original. I am one of those women who prefer stronger stimulation, but the intensity of this thing is simply astonishing. So much so that I have subsequently named it “The Jackhammer,” and it is exactly what I need.

Continue reading “The Day it Happened….”

Well, hello there.

I’m by no means a virgin, but I have to say that this is my maiden voyage in writing for anyone but an English professor, or to my university appeals committee as to why I screwed up and deserve another chance. However, I feel that I have an interesting story to tell, and I’ve been told that I have a certain “knack” for writing – so what the hell?

Alcohol had always been my usual Band-Aid for life’s turbulence, and I was always responsible with drugs. Sure, I’d tried all of the basics through and after high school, but I knew better than to overdo it and get addicted to anything. Extacy still stands as my favorite drug given a choice, but I never did it more than a handful of times out of responsibility and preservation of my brain. Weed came around in my life now and again, but I never had an appreciation for it until I met my husband.

What I DID have an extreme appreciation for since, let’s say, approximately 12 years old (one of the first of many important milestones that my memory has seemed to erase from itself), is my vagina. My parents have never told me any embarrassing stories about discovering my vagina as a child, so my first recollection of exploring it was as a pre-teen sitting on the toilet at home and realizing that something felt good when I touched it – very good. (Romantic, right?)