Cocktails on the beach create the perfect prelude to a little Afternoon Delight. With the scorching sun beaming down on me, I’m sticky with sweat and in the heat the alcohol seems to be hitting a little harder than it normally would. Never without a way to medicate, I freely vape without fear of consequence on our semi-private beach as I watch the waves roll in and out.
As the hours pass, we sip our frozen daiquiris and take shots in between wading in the water and napping in lounge chairs under an umbrella. The longer we’re out, the more intense the tingling between my legs becomes, like the increasing rumble of a train before it passes by. I vocalize a plan about fucking when we get back to the beach house before we go out to dinner, and he tells me that had always been his plan. Just hearing him say he’s already thinking about screwing me sends another ripple through me. I start thinking about what I’m going to do to him and (more…)
Sex acts for the first time are pretty terrifying for everyone because you really have no idea what you’re doing. No one gave you a tutorial, no one gave you training wheels, the Internet didn’t have all of the things on it yet, and you were quite literally taking a stab in the dark. Or perhaps it was daytime.
I was horny AF growing up, so I definitely had a lot of practice with myself. However, I’d never touched a real penis and didn’t exactly know how they operate. The closest I’d gotten to a penis before age 17 was a squiggly vibrating pen (The Dizzy Doodler) I’d push up my pussy, grabbing random guy friends (as I’ve mentioned, there was a lot of grabbing at my school), and an auto-penetrating vibrator I was able to purchase 007-style online on the family computer when my parents weren’t home one night. Remembering to clear the browser history, of course.
I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 12 while I was on the road with my parents, and my boobs seemed to become conversation pieces early on in junior high and high school and were always getting groped by someone. (I realize how Trump-like this all sounds, but it was actually consensual among all parties. Teenagers are extremely horny.) I masturbated pretty frequently and fantasized about what having sex feels like, but I remember being quite nervous in advance about my first time.
At 17 I figured that the next step in the succession of sex things would be to give a blow job. I did (more…)
My husband and I like getting together with our friends occasionally for ‘game night’ – ie: drinking and perverse commentary while playing some form of inappropriate card or board game. Our best friends just had their second baby in two years a few months ago so it has been challenging to see each other, but we finally were able to recently and checked out a new game.
What could possibly be better than dildos, scissoring, big dicks, and alcohol? Nothing. That’s why Porn: The Game! was created.
Apparently I’m the kind of person who lives ‘on the edge.’ My mother has always been very shy and would rather die than be the last person to walk late into a room full of people, so she’s never understood my ‘bravery.’ And I say ‘brave’ in quotes because it can often be interchanged for ‘stupid,’ ‘risky,’ or ‘harebrained.’
I keep having more and more epiphanies in the past couple years due to the incredible mind-expansion that weed is known for, and one of the epiphanies has been realizing what it is that leads me to taking more chances than the standard human being. I think when you have depression, you don’t always value your life as highly as others may value theirs. This seems to have manifested itself over the years in a way that makes me incredibly comfortable taking chances by trying new and terrifying things, meeting up with strangers from the Internet, or traveling to faraway destinations alone. Depression gives you that mindset where you don’t always look twice to see if a bus is coming before crossing the street, so I’ve always sort of lived this way. Or I’ve simply just been bestowed with the reckless bug. Either way, I now have an endless supply of awesome stories about the crazy shit that I’ve encountered. One of my favorite stories takes place in my parents’ house with the Comcast Guy.
If you’ve ever been to Niagara Falls, you were first struck by their immense beauty and presence, then you were impressed by how powerful the falls must be to create an almost deafening sound that gently rattles the Earth surrounding them. I hadn’t managed to make it to the Falls in my cognizant adult life, so my husband took me there a couple of years ago. It now occupies a high slot on the list of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been (especially at night), and I really enjoyed going down below them on the Maid of the Mist boat tour.
I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.
I was recently reminded of some of these feelings, and it’s not because we visited Buffalo again.
Here’s a preview of my experience with KlittraJet – the awesome erotic shower and bath system that was my giveaway for Valentine’s Day. Stay tuned, you’ll hear all about it tomorrow!
In the meantime, you can check KlittraJet out here or follow them on Twitter here!
“I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met us on the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.”
We’ve all at some point seen the porn where the chick shoots liquid from her crotch 20 feet across the room and thought to ourselves, ‘There’s no way that’s real, she has to be peeing.’ But despite my numerous attempts at replaying the videos right at ‘the moment’ to see what it looks like, where it came from and how, I’ve always been a bit skeptical while remaining sincerely curious and intrigued.
It took my entire life thus far to be able to nail down the difference between a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm, and when I finally did a few months ago I decided that learning to ‘squirt’ was going to be my next mission. There was only one problem; if I happened to actually be successful, where did I plan on doing this without making a total mess?
One of my recent discoveries is Sheets of San Francisco, a company that makes fluid-proof sheets and pillow cases. Here’s an excerpt from my upcoming review that’ll be published tomorrow:
“We’ve all at some point seen the porn where the chick shoots liquid from her crotch 20 feet across the room and thought to ourselves, ‘There’s no way that’s real, she has to be peeing.’ But despite my numerous attempts at replaying the videos right at ‘the moment’ to see what it looks like, where it came from, and how, I’ve always been a bit skeptical while remaining sincerely curious.
I just teamed up with @KlittraJet to bring you an erotic shower and bath system giveaway! They’re a brand new company that is launching this spring and I’m super excited about them! It was designed with the ladies in mind, which is great news for our clits. However, it’s discrete enough to look like a normal shower system, and even the rest of the household will love this thing beating down on their backs.
The shower kit is a shower head with a super long hose to reach down to the tub. It has several ‘massage’ settings for you to massage……..anything and anyone you want. The shower and bath kit includes the same shower head but also comes with the Magic Lotus, which is a personal-sized jet for your clit. Or your butt. Your choice.
We’ve all heard of the ‘Mile High Club,’ but ironically I’d somehow never ‘joined’ – so I decided to rectify that situation on a recent flight down south. I was alone, but the rules seem to indicate that there is such a thing as the ‘Solo Aviator Division.’ A last minute aircraft switch caused us all to get reassigned seats, which actually afforded me somewhat of an upgrade from my initial seat. Our original plane had two seats on either side of the aisle which makes for a rather intimate flight, but the equipment change to a larger plane had us all spread out with room to spare. I found myself in the window seat of row 8 with a handsome man in a business suit to my right with an empty seat between us.
As a woman, I must say that while we hear a lot about “clitoral orgasms” and “G-spot orgasms,” it isn’t always clear which one is which while it’s actually happening. Though there is no proven scientific evidence yet that it truly exists, the G-spot was named after German gynecologist Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, and it is the supposed area that contributes to deep orgasms, and even possibly female ejaculation. I haven’t exactly spent any concentrated time performing the scientific method on myself either, but I’ve always known that I prefer “the dick kind” of orgasm as opposed to what I can do with a vibrator on my clit. By way of deduction, I surmised that “the dick kind” probably is the infamous “G-spot orgasm” that everyone talks about, I just didn’t have it nailed down yet.
We received a new toy recently as a gift that I’ve been meaning to give a go, so I decided Monday was as good a day as any. So I reached under the bed for the box, opened it, and removed the contents. The Njoy Pure Wand is a stainless steel, double-ended dildo, and it comes in a stunning, durable storage box with a satin lining. Even being about 65°F in the bedroom, the dildo was still pretty frigid and cool to the touch. This may sound terrible to some, but I love using cold elements like frozen popsicles and ice during sex, so I couldn’t wait to see how it would feel.
I got comfortable in bed, opened up my laptop, logged into my account on my favorite porn site, and began searching for something good to watch. I really love working myself up and taking my time, so I smoked while I watched a few videos, listened to some chill EDM, and slowly stroked my inner thighs. I moved my fingers from my inner thighs to the outer lips of my pussy, teasing myself while I watched a blonde on her knees sucking 5 cocks in a circle around her. I’m not usually interested in watching blow jobs themselves, but I really love penises, and she got to play with five – it was hot.
Today is the day that I release my first “published” erotica narrative, Satellite. A big thank you to those of you who subscribed to get your sneak peek. I hope it kept you wanting more, and here’s a little bedtime story for you:
“Our alarm went off at 4am when it was still dark out, well before a human should be expected to function. I did, but barely, and only after consuming two and a half cups of coffee in rapid succession. It was a chilly December morning, so it was the perfect temperature for an adventure. The coffee warmed me up, so I carried the remainder of my third cup with me in my travel mug for the ride.
We were headed out to Satellite Mountain outside of Denver for a date hike. We both enjoy the outdoors, and there’s nothing more romantic to start the day with than watching the sunrise together. It was a thirty minute drive from our house, and my husband Dane drove us there. When we were about ten minutes away from the mountain, I readjusted and sat up in the passenger seat and felt a tug on the back of my thighs.
That’s when I remembered the fishnet thigh highs and garter belt I had snuck on under my hiking pants when Dane wasn’t looking. I love the way I feel in lingerie, and it’s a date, right? Just the pull of the garters against my thighs turned me on, but we were about to reach the trailhead and I knew he was excited to get started. So I ignored the twinge of excitement between my legs and we eventually started our hike.
This odyssey of mine began 20 days ago when I decided I’m finally going to start that damn blog I’d been thinking about writing for a year. I’d even had some ideas tucked away in a Google Keep note in my phone just begging to be published, but I kept putting it off because (more…)