Sex acts for the first time are pretty terrifying for everyone because you really have no idea what you’re doing. No one gave you a tutorial, no one gave you training wheels, the Internet didn’t have all of the things on it yet, and you were quite literally taking a stab in the dark. Or perhaps it was daytime.
I was horny AF growing up, so I definitely had a lot of practice with myself. However, I’d never touched a real penis and didn’t exactly know how they operate. The closest I’d gotten to a penis before age 17 was a squiggly vibrating pen (The Dizzy Doodler) I’d push up my pussy, grabbing random guy friends (as I’ve mentioned, there was a lot of grabbing at my school), and an auto-penetrating vibrator I was able to purchase 007-style online on the family computer when my parents weren’t home one night. Remembering to clear the browser history, of course.
I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 12 while I was on the road with my parents, and my boobs seemed to become conversation pieces early on in junior high and high school and were always getting groped by someone. (I realize how Trump-like this all sounds, but it was actually consensual among all parties. Teenagers are extremely horny.) I masturbated pretty frequently and fantasized about what having sex feels like, but I remember being quite nervous in advance about my first time.
At 17 I figured that the next step in the succession of sex things would be to give a blow job. I did Continue reading →
My husband and I like getting together with our friends occasionally for ‘game night’ – ie: drinking and perverse commentary while playing some form of inappropriate card or board game. Our best friends just had their second baby in two years a few months ago so it has been challenging to see each other, but we finally were able to recently and checked out a new game.
What could possibly be better than dildos, scissoring, big dicks, and alcohol? Nothing. That’s why Porn: The Game! was created.
Apparently I’m the kind of person who lives ‘on the edge.’ My mother has always been very shy and would rather die than be the last person to walk late into a room full of people, so she’s never understood my ‘bravery.’ And I say ‘brave’ in quotes because it can often be interchanged for ‘stupid,’ ‘risky,’ or ‘harebrained.’
I keep having more and more epiphanies in the past couple years due to the incredible mind-expansion that weed is known for, and one of the epiphanies has been realizing what it is that leads me to taking more chances than the standard human being. I think when you have depression, you don’t always value your life as highly as others may value theirs. This seems to have manifested itself over the years in a way that makes me incredibly comfortable taking chances by trying new and terrifying things, meeting up with strangers from the Internet, or traveling to faraway destinations alone. Depression gives you that mindset where you don’t always look twice to see if a bus is coming before crossing the street, so I’ve always sort of lived this way. Or I’ve simply just been bestowed with the reckless bug. Either way, I now have an endless supply of awesome stories about the crazy shit that I’ve encountered. One of my favorite stories takes place in my parents’ house with the Comcast Guy.
If you’ve ever been to Niagara Falls, you were first struck by their immense beauty and presence, then you were impressed by how powerful the falls must be to create an almost deafening sound that gently rattles the Earth surrounding them. I hadn’t managed to make it to the Falls in my cognizant adult life, so my husband took me there a couple of years ago. It now occupies a high slot on the list of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been (especially at night), and I really enjoyed going down below them on the Maid of the Mist boat tour.
I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.
I was recently reminded of some of these feelings, and it’s not because we visited Buffalo again.
Here’s a preview of my experience with KlittraJet – the awesome erotic shower and bath system that was my giveaway for Valentine’s Day. Stay tuned, you’ll hear all about it tomorrow!
In the meantime, you can check KlittraJet out here or follow them on Twitter here!
“I remember being on the boat at the foot of the falls having to yell to my husband to be heard over the thunderous sound of them crashing where they met us on the water just yards in front of us. Flowing at over 84,000 cubic feet per second from an intimidating 167 feet above our heads, I couldn’t help but feel small and powerless as the vibration rumbled throughout my body.”