I’m trapped in my own body and mind.
I’m trapped in my own body and mind.
I tend to watch comedies because there’s already a substantial amount of drama and action in my life and I desperately need the comedy to round it out. My husband likes history too, so we’ve been watching this ridiculous comedy on Hulu called Quickdraw. Despite paying actual currency for a Hulu Plus membership, you’re still subjected to watching a slew of ads – usually 3 at a time. I typically spend that time wondering what the heck I’m really paying for anyway.
As I mentioned, I was recently put in an unfair and uncomfortable position by members of my family, but I tried to put a smile on and pretend anyway.
It led to the biggest blowout in our family history, and me having an anxiety attack in the dark on our closet floor.
I felt ambushed, judged, and disrespected in my own home. Like I said, my husband stood up for me which was amazing, but it also put him in a position of standing up to MY FAMILY. Of course, this caused additional issues between them. The result was the gang of family leaving and going to dinner while my husband pieced me back together.
I’m the youngest of two children in my family, and that has been both fortunate and unfortunate at times. Our parents were much harder on my sister since she was their first crack at it together, but I’ve found it difficult to earn respect being the youngest. Anyway, I guess I was what you’d call an ‘intentional accident.’ I took so damn long to conceive that after almost a decade of trying, my parents gave up. Then I happened. So there’s quite an age difference between my sister and I, and she’s often been like a mother figure to me.
Yesterday I was tricked/coerced into doing something I wasn’t comfortable with, verbally attacked in my own house, and ended up crying in a ball on my closet floor in the dark.
If this sounds like a really fucking bad day, I assure you it was.
I’ve always appreciated animals and nature, and the White Mountains in New Hampshire has become one of my favorite spots in the world. I’ve been going up there since I was 18 years old and still spend a lot of time there throughout the year.
I’ve had a lot going on in the last few months, and I recently finalized some things that were pretty time-consuming. I found myself struggling to stay motivated in the weeks leading up to the end so I decided I needed something to look forward to in order to get through it. So I booked myself a room for one for a week at our resort up in the mountains. Whenever I felt overwhelmed or got depressed, I’d fantasize about what I’d do on my ‘mental health holiday’ to get my spirits up.
Apparently I’m the kind of person who lives ‘on the edge.’ My mother has always been very shy and would rather die than be the last person to walk late into a room full of people, so she’s never understood my ‘bravery.’ And I say ‘brave’ in quotes because it can often be interchanged for ‘stupid,’ ‘risky,’ or ‘harebrained.’
I keep having more and more epiphanies in the past couple years due to the incredible mind-expansion that weed is known for, and one of the epiphanies has been realizing what it is that leads me to taking more chances than the standard human being. I think when you have depression, you don’t always value your life as highly as others may value theirs. This seems to have manifested itself over the years in a way that makes me incredibly comfortable taking chances by trying new and terrifying things, meeting up with strangers from the Internet, or traveling to faraway destinations alone. Depression gives you that mindset where you don’t always look twice to see if a bus is coming before crossing the street, so I’ve always sort of lived this way. Or I’ve simply just been bestowed with the reckless bug. Either way, I now have an endless supply of awesome stories about the crazy shit that I’ve encountered. One of my favorite stories takes place in my parents’ house with the Comcast Guy.
As many of you know, I’m relatively new to WordPress and Twitter as I only started this blog in August, but I think I settled in pretty quickly. Those of you who are fellow bloggers remember ‘breaking into the scene’ and trying to read 1,000 different blogs hoping that maybe 6 of them reciprocate and check you out too.
I don’t quite remember how I met Don Holley, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget him. We met via Twitter somehow, and I started noticing that he tweeted me relatively often – and that he was kinda funny on occasion. You could say he was my first “Twitter friend.” At some point I realized that he’s actually the screenwriter of the movie National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1 starring Samuel L. Jackson, Jon Lovitz, and Emilio Estevez, which I thought was pretty neat. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve never seen the movie, though that’s largely due to the fact that I was 8 when it came out – but hey, I thought it was kinda cool knowing someone who’s been in ‘the movies.’
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Just letting you know that my Bliss cannabis-infused lubricant giveaway ends tonight (tomorrow) at 2:59am EST so west coast users have until midnight their time to enter.
Ok. I surrender. My white flag has been raised, and I am going to make a therapy appointment. I have just spontaneously cried into my bong for… Read more “Depression and Therapy: Making the Appointment”
Originally posted on Go There Come Back:
Day 15 Mpayathutlwa Camp to Mabuasehube Camp, Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park (Botswana) Distance : 30.3 km A day of travel faces…
“I suppose when you find yourself frequently envisioning what you’d talk about at your first therapy appointment, it’s probably time to look for a therapist.”
“I’ve come up with a list of things that I’m passionate about. I’m curious what you find most interesting out of these topics!”
….when you’re so depressed that you can physically feel your heart break?
“Though the intervention happened rather abruptly and forced me to hit rock bottom, it was also the first step in me coming out of the darkness.”
Originally posted on CARROT QUINN:
September 14 Mileage: 35.5 2,590 miles hiked It’s not as cold as I thought it would be, camped next to this stream…
“Peering down at him, I could see the vapor cloud from his breath dancing around my pussy like ghosts.”
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.