I suppose when you find yourself frequently envisioning what you’d talk about at your first therapy appointment, it’s probably time to look for a therapist. I went to an ’emergency’ appointment when I hit rock bottom a couple times in college, but I was never ‘treated’ for more than three or four sessions each time. I was put on anti-depressants the first time and went off of them almost as soon as I went on them because they either stole my sex drive, or stole my orgasms – neither of which improve depression.
I never found those few therapy sessions to be beneficial, in fact I dreaded even going. I’m not one of those people who has a hard time ‘opening up’ to people (obviously!), so I wasn’t stressed out or anxious because I had to talk about myself or my feelings. I have such little motivation that going to the appointment, and even just making the appointment gave me that sick feeling of dread in my stomach every time I thought about it.
However, I understand that depression or any other mental illness is not going to be ‘fixed’ in only a few sessions, but that feeling of dread is what has kept me from seeing someone seriously. I’m at a point in my life where I’m embarking on a permanent career and am thinking about starting a family with my husband – in other words, I need to start adulting much sooner than later and I’m terrified.
I realize that my mental status could likely be improved, or it’s at least worth it to try for the future of my family. I’ve held my own my whole life, only succumbed to ‘asking for help’ the few times, and have done well enough so far, but I feel like I owe it to myself and those I love to explore a venue that has been very successful for others. I’ve been in quite a bit of a funk for the past month and I think it’s part of what has been urging me to make an appointment, but I’m not sure I’m ready to make the commitment yet.
One of the reasons I even created this blog was to connect with those who experience the same things I do, and to create a space where we can all feel safe and support each other.
So I’d love to know – what’s your experience with therapy and mental disorders? Did you go through it, or did someone you love? Was it helpful? Was it with a psychiatrist, psychologist, or other counselor? Did you choose a certain gendered therapist, and do you think that’s impacted your therapy? How long and how often was the therapy? Have they deemed you ‘fixed?’
I’d love to hear your story!